What You'd Do To Me Tonight
by Doginshoe
Summary: Lucy had been in a blooming high school romance, but now that the love has wilted between her and her husband, she searches for a solace. However, she finds it in an already broken man that manages to set her alight in more ways than one. When her secrets spill, she finds her world begins to crumble from beneath her feet as the two men in her life torture her already broken heart.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This idea has been bubbling in my head for awhile and so I knew I just had to write it. Before you start reading just please know that this story has TW such as: abuse, cheating, domestic violence, drinking/alcoholism. This story is rated M for a reason and will have NSFW contents, so please only read if you are comfortable! Before every chapter I will list the TW so hopefully you all know what to expect.**

**Anyways! I hope you enjoy this drama if you have decided to read! My plans are to make this a 4-5 chapter fic and I'm already getting started on the second (:**

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He thrusted into her one last time before coming undone, a moan leaving her lips as he roughly pulled himself out and rolled to the side of the bed. Their chest heaved as they tried to catch their breath.

"You're still on that pill, right?" Her partner asked and Lucy could only laugh as she kicked off the blankets, ready to stumbled over to the bathroom to clean herself up.

"You ask that now?"

"Wait, I told you-"

"Natsu," she sighed as she peered at him from over her shoulder, "Yes. I'm still on the pill."

He grinned as he watched her stand and walk to the door leading into his small dingy bathroom, her backside still bright red from their earlier activities. "Thank god."

Lucy gave a light chuckle as she turned on the shower head before grimacing at the sticky liquid between her thighs. It was only a quick rinse and by the time she came back, drying herself with one of the man's few towels, Natsu was already settled on the side of the bed and liting up a cigarette from his nearly empty pack. He took a long drag before blowing the smoke from his lungs and then downing the remaining whiskey he couldn't finish before they had started.

She rolled her eyes before grabbing her underwear having given up on lecturing him about his many bad habits. He would only scoff, not paying any mind to her words. As she pulled on her jeans he turned to her with a raised brow.

"Leaving already?"

It was like this a lot of the time. A quick visit after work to loosen up her tight muscles, forget about everything, and unwind then she would be off. It was never anything more between them and she was ok with that. Natsu had been clear that he didn't need another woman in his life 'bossing him around.' The conversation about them being anything more was clipped and swept under the bed. She sent him a quick smile as she buttoned up her shirt and grabbed her bag.

"Yeah. I've got some things to do at home."

He frowned and stood before she could make her move to the door, another cloud of smoke filling the air before he spoke. "You needa ride?"

Lucy dug into her bag and pulled out her keys. "I'm covered," She grinned, "Beside's I wouldn't go near your death trap that you call transport." Natsu snorted and she thought that would be the end of it but he seemed to have other ideas as he walked to his dresser.

"There's nothing wrong with my bike. Come on. I'll walk you out."

"Your neighbours are going to have a heart attack if they see you walk out like that." She gestured to his junk that was still out in the open for the world to see, but he only waved her away as he pulled in a breath from his cigarette and opened up his draws.

As he pulled out the smoke from in between his lips he grabbed for his loose jeans. "I'm not gonna give the old folks a heart attack, Smart ass. Just let me put these on," he quipped as he stepped into the loose denim and lead her out the door.

"My, my you're becoming quite the gentleman, Natsu Dragneel. To think I used to have to just dress myself and find my way to the door without an escort," She said while forcing out a dramatic tone, a small smile pulling up on her lips. "Tragic."

"Sometimes, Luce, I think all those books really do something funny to ya head."

"I could say the same about that stick of cancer hanging out your mouth."

"Hey!" He gave her a look as he opened up front door, "They don't do anything to my head."

Lucy stepped past him into the chilled air as she kept his gaze, spinning on her heel to face him. "Could've fooled me," she answered, barely suppressing another laugh as he narrowed his eyes at her, trying to muster the scowl that sent men reeling, yet the tell tale sign of the twitch in his cheek gave him away. Natsu could never fool anyone.

"If you keep making that face it'll get stuck!"

Natsu smirked, the facade dropping in an instance. "Tell me again, Luce. Are you sure you weren't raised by old women?" His smile grew ten times as he spoke each word before he dropped his finished smoke to smother it into the ground.

Now was the time for her eye's to narrow as she slapped his shoulder. Natsu taking a step back and raising his hands to protect himself at her weak hit, his chuckle filling her ears. No matter what he always knew the ways to get under her skin and push her buttons. She always had to remind herself why she ever came and saw him, yet the answer was so sad that she could never dwell on it too long.

"My humour is just fine, thank you very much. Now if you excuse me I'll be on my way," she spoke before turning away, head tilted into the air. She didn't get far before Natsu was pulling her back into his arms. She gasped as he grabbed her but settled into the warm embrace anyways as he held her.

"Drive safe," he breathed as he placed a quick kiss to the side of her head that made Lucy's cheeks warm. A soft smile made its way on her face as she enjoyed their contact. Sometimes, only sometimes, would Lucy revel in this feeling. It had been so long after all that she had a sweet touch, but she knew it would never work. She quickly pulled away, her fingers lingering on his as she turned back to him.

"I will."

With that she let go and made her way to the car. As she pulled open the door and turned back to look up at his porch, he had already made his way inside and Lucy sighed as she climbed into the vehicle parked on his driveway. With a quick look to the time she cursed as she realised she was running late, her hands quickly turning the keys and putting her foot down to reverse out. He wasn't going to be happy.

She tried her best to speed home. Yet, her shaking hands had the itch to turn around. Lucy could only hope he hadn't been drinking again. He was worse when he was drinking. She gulped as she pulled into her own driveway. His car was already there, which she expected, but a small part of her hoped it wouldn't. He had gone out to the pub, to the bookie, anything.

A defeated sigh left her lips as she turned off the car and grabbed her bag. She checked herself over in the mirror, peering at her neck especially. Natsu always had a habit of leaving unwanted marks even though she had told him that she didn't like it. That had been a lie, but she couldn't tell him the real reason - that she had another man to hide them from.

She shook her head to relieve herself of the guilt that had clung to her bones. Ever since the first night she had laid with Natsu, it had wound itself in her lungs and nearly suffocated her when she tried to sleep. He was just so _addicting_. The way he touched her, his delicate fingers, the way he made her laugh like there was nothing wrong in her life. With him she could forget and that was all she ever wanted. Lucy quickly rubbed at her eyes - It was something she could think about at another time. As she stepped out the car she forced her legs to move, but she had barely made it two steps before he opened the door.

"Where have you been?" He snapped, his dark eyes glaring at her as she made her way towards him.

Lucy held onto her bag a little tighter as she looked up at him, immediately bringing her gaze to the door behind him. "I was kept at work," she mumbled, bringing her stare back to the man she had married.

"That's the third time this week."

Lucy shot him a filthy look before she pushed past him, whispering under her breath as she passed him, "That's what happens when you have a job."

As she made her way to the kitchen the front door slammed behind her and she froze. She didn't want to turn around. If she ignored him he would leave her alone. If she made the excuse she was tired then she could stay in the room, pretend to sleep when he came up to bed. Nothing would happen tonight.

Many times Lucy was wrong.

"You stink of smoke."

Lucy mentally cursed Natsu and his hotbox of a home. She should've sprayed herself with perfume before she got out of the car. The blonde dropped her bag on the kitchen counter as she wondered to the fridge, hoping to cut off the conversation as soon as possible.

"Did you hear me?" He called, voice getting louder as he stepped closer to her. "I'm talking to you."

"It must have been from someone who I was talking to after-"

She could barely finish her sentence as he grabbed ahold of her hair, pulling at the long tresses and forcing her to face him. His eyes were alight with anger as he put his face in front of hers. Lucy swallowed.

"Who?" he spat.

"It was just a quick conversation, I swear!" she raised her hands to his as tears gathered in her eyes. "Please stop. It hurts, Jackal." She tried to pry his hold on her hair but when he dropped his grasp a slap followed his movements.

Her head snapped to the side, the sting tingling her face but she refused to look at him, or let the tears fall down her cheeks. He grabbed onto her arm, squeezing it till the hold turned bruising.

"You're an ugly slut," he seethed as he pushed himself into her face, the smell of alcohol on his breath burning in her nose. "You hear me? Don't you ever think you can lie to me!"

Lucy's lower lip trembled as he shouted in her ear, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of her arm. She didn't dare speak, not that the lump in her throat would ever allow anything but sobs and screams to leave her lips. It would only make him angrier if she spoke. She had learned that the hard way when he had first hit her. They were barely twenty years old and having a stupid argument. When Lucy yelled at him, her anger getting the better of her, he had thrown a frying pan at her head. The cooking utensil barely missing her by an inch as it slammed against the wall. She had screamed at him, nearly packing her things but he had stopped her. His hand around her throat before pushing her into a side table and knocking her mother's favourite vase to the floor - one of the few things he had left of her smashing on impact and cutting Lucy's hands.

She had kept quiet for the next five years.

He grabbed her face, violently turning it to so her brown eyes could gaze at the man she had thought she loved. His eyes were blazing as he growled at her, "I know what you're up to," he spat in her face as he pushed her backwards. Her body slamming into the fridge as a choked sob left her lips. "You better be home tomorrow."

Lucy could only meekly nod as she pushed herself up and wiped the spit from her cheek. He walked away from her, grabbing a half finished beer bottle from the table and walking to the living room. She wasted no time in running up the stairs to their bedroom and locking the door behind her.

The tears trickled down her face as she sunk to the floor. Her cheek where he had slapped her was still red, the skin sensitive and hot. She desperately rubbed at her eyes as she breathed in deep breaths. However, Lucy's eyes were blank as she stared straight ahead. The only sign of emotion being the shake of her shoulders or the wet drops that she had missed.

What her brown eyes couldn't tear her eyes from was the picture of her wedding day. She was beaming at the camera, her white dress still on as they had photographs in the gardens. Her father was beside her, his tired eyes managing to smile at the camera as he was seated in his wheelchair.

He had been incredibly happy for her. His baby girl growing up and finding a nice guy when she was only sixteen. The wedding being held as soon as they had graduated. Jackal's future was always promising. He was taken in when he was only a child by his uncle who was a wealthy businessman and a good friend of her fathers. He was meant to inherit the company. Jude had always said 'that boy will grow into a fine man one day.' A bitter smile pulled at her lips as she realised how wrong her dad had been.

Her father had passed not long after the wedding. Six months of continuous heart problems that left him so exhausted he could barely get out of bed. He never saw Jackal when he had started to gamble, or when he had been disowned by his uncle. Her husband burned through more money then they could make, finishing her inheritance in a few short years. If it wasn't for the house they brought when they had first moved out, she was sure they'd be homeless.

Even now they struggled. He spent his time guzzling drink after drink - either in front of their TV at home, or in the pub. She often wondered what her father would say now. He'd tried his hardest, working day and night, to give her an easier life. Yet now she could barely make ends meet as she was overdue on bills and had notices piling up in her mailbox of debts that needed to be paid. What she would often think about more is what her mother would think. If she was disappointed that her daughter was creeping around with another man.

A sigh left her lips as she continued to sit on the floor, her hands scratching at her thighs through her jeans as she was lost in thought.

She knew her mother would be most upset about her dead eyes. The way she could rarely give a smile these days. She had only wanted Lucy to be happy.

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**phew.. I've been doubting my writing for ages now so I really hope this is ok ;-; Please review your thoughts! I love hearing from every single one of you**

**Doginshoe~**


	2. Chapter 2

**TW: mentions of abuse at the end of chapter, drinking**

**this chapter is relatively fluffy so I hope you guys enjoy!**

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It was a Sunday when Lucy had shown up at Natsu's door with a bottle of Johnnie Walker in her hand. The sun was setting and Jackal had left to the pokies where he probably wouldn't return until sunrise. The man usually stumbling into the house at five in the morning and reeking of booze - Lucy always quiet when she passed the man who had collapsed onto the couch, not even making it to the bed, as she left for work.

She had been hiding in their bedroom since Thursday when he had struck her. Sitting there idle, or escaping in a book to avoid speaking to him. Yet, as she had heard the front door slamming closed and the screech of his car wheels, Lucy had sent the man who set her alight a quick text. Tonight she would lay with him again - drown herself in him to forget. The addiction called her in and she would get her fix.

Natsu grinned as he opened the door, his eyes meeting the beautiful blonde in her white sundress. However, the smile didn't last long as his eyes soon widened when he saw the bottle of scotch.

"Lucy, what do-" he started, but she cut him off as she strode into his house and made her way to the kitchen. She left the bottle on the counter top as she then began to search through his cupboard, not looking far till she found the shot glasses on the top shelf.

He eyed her up and down as she popped the lid off and poured the brown liquid into the glass, a teasing smile creeping up on his face as she downed the alcohol - her eyes immediately squeezing shut as she grimaced.

"You know that shit is meant to be mixed, right?" he asked.

Lucy let out a gasp of air as the scotch finished burning her throat. "It's stronger this way, and right now that's all I care about." Her brown eyes came back up to the pink haired man as he leaned on the opposite side of the bench, her response rising a chuckle from her friend.

"My, my," Natsu began as he poured his own shot, "I never knew a lady like yourself would be acting in such a way." He smirked as he copied her quirk to talk proper, causing the blonde to narrow her eyes at him. After he threw back the shot, his dark eyes peered down at her. "But that stuffs weak. If ya really wanna get smashed then you should have some of this."

Natsu walked to his cabinet, opening up the doors to let Lucy see a wide variety of alcohol. There was fat bottles, some skinny, and only a few that she could name - the popular brands. He sifted through to the back where he pulled out a tall green bottle. The blonde peered at the label as Natsu continued to pull out another bottle, the writing reading Green Fairy in bold.

"This shit is fucking awful let me tell you." Natsu placed the green bottle on the table alongside Sailors Vodka. "Though, I wouldn't recommend mixing the two together, but take your pick, Princess."

Lucy grabbed the green bottle, her lips coming up into a questioning pout as she twisted off the cap. "So, together they'll get me drunk?"

"Truly fucked," he confirmed, his canines glinting at her as he grinned.

"Well, I guess I'm gonna be fucked then," she sighed as she then took the Sailors Vodka as well and poured them both into the glass.

"You sure you want to do this?"

"Absolutely."

Lucy made a nervous smile as she brought the glass to her lips then without a second thought, she downed the concoction, before she was bent over in a fit of coughing - her mouth salivating as it tried to soothe the sting of the burn. Natsu let out a bellow of laughter.

She barely heard him as she pushed herself to the sink and spat, quickly washing her mouth with water as Natsu turned on the tap.

"Fucking hell, Lucy," he nearly cried as he rubbed her back, the blonde spitting the water back into the sink, "And ta think I thought you were the smart one."

Her brown eyes came up to glare at him as she wiped her mouth. "You could've given me a warning," she growled as she stood back up, her tongue still tingling from the lingering alcohol.

"I did!" he laughed, "And it's not my fault if you couldn't handle it."

Lucy stared him down before the bottles on the bench caught her eye. "It's your turn."

"Yeah." Natsu scoffed as he rolled his eyes. "You really think that I-"

But Lucy was already whispering under her breath, "Pussy.." and that was all it took before Natsu was raising the glass with the same death drink to his chapped lips for a small sip. His eyes nearly bugged as he immediately choked.

"Oh." Lucy smirked. "It seems someone else can't handle their liquor either, huh?"

Natsu gave her his own dirty look as an argument was already leaving his lips, "It went down the wrong hole and you know it!"

"Bottoms up then, Dragneel," Lucy grinned, her voice holding that teasing lilt that made his eyebrows narrow and the fires of a challenge light in his eyes.

He tipped the glass down before she could blink.

"Let's try it again," Natsu stated as he turned back to his shelf of alcohol, "but this time with something absolutely toxic." He grabbed bottles left and right before returning to her, the fire truly raging as he mixed this and that with a little bit of something else.

"Whoever pussies out first has to give the other fifty bucks."

Lucy eyed him as he handed her the shot of several different alcoholic drinks.

He raised a brow as she hesitated, the beginnings of a smirk pulling at the side of his lips. Lucy didn't care about losing some cash but giving bragging rights to Natsu Dragneel? Never would she let herself see the day, and so she took the shot from him.

"Deal."

That's what lead them on the downward spiral.

It didn't take long for the giggles to kick in. Their voices no longer inside one's as they began to put each in hysterics - mainly Lucy as she listened to him tell his work stories with his friend Gray. She couldn't believe that two people could be so close yet despise being in each others presence.

Though, the drinking game was forgotten when Natsu turned on the stereo. He took Lucy by the hand and shook her so hard she thought she might puke. It wasn't like any music she was used to, the way Natsu made her body - the twist and turns feeling awkward. Yet, he didn't seem to mind her stiff moves and only laughed as she nearly collapsed on his dingy couch.

Rock n Roll was not something she was used to, but she liked it - like most things she found with Natsu. He was so far from her world. She had never even seen a house that was so small when she first came home with him. He didn't work a nine to five or even drive a real car. He had tattoos that had no reason and were placed hazardously around his body. However, she didn't mind. The way he lived… It was enthralling. Lucy guessed that's why she was so drawn to him.

He was freedom, whereas she had always been stuck in a cage.

It wasn't until hours later when a different sort of tune played that they finally slowed down.

"Johnny Cash? Seriously? My dad used to listen to this stuff," Lucy asked as she plopped down beside him, lazily leaning into his side as she tried to stop her spinning head.

"What?" Natsu seemed surprised as his eyes drifted down to the top of her blonde head. "You're telling me you don't like it?"

Lucy turned, her big brown eyes shining and hazy whilst she pursed her lips and listened to the familiar tune of the song. It wasn't one that her father played often, but she still knew it.

"I don't know. It's a little sad." She answered truthfully and Natsu was shaking his head as he stood up again from the couch. Lucy blinked at him, but he only stuck his hand out for her to take.

It only took her a second before she placed her hand in his.

"I suppose you're right," Natsu stated as he pulled her close to him, "But that doesn't mean it isn't a beautiful song. I mean, come on-"

He grabbed her waist as he interlaced their fingers, slowly swaying their bodies as he stared into her eyes.

"Natsu!"

"You are my sunshine," Natsu sung as a grin made its way up his lips, "My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey." He moved their hands as they took wobbly steps around his living room, which Lucy assumed was meant to be some type of slow dance. Their gazes were locked as he sang the lyrics and she couldn't help her own smile that pulled it's way up her lips, or the pink blush that started to rise in her cheeks.

"You'll know dear how much I love you." His voice was rough and deep. The words falling from his lips easily and practiced. She couldn't help herself as she leaned closer to him and their movements slowed to soft rocking back and forth. Natsu did the same, his dark eyes showing flecks of green as they got closer and closer. His hand released hers and brought it to push her long blonde hair from her face and Lucy couldn't help the itch of anticipation in her stomach as he brought his lips down to hers. She closed her eyes.

"Please, don't take my sunshine awa- Lucy?"

He paused and her eyes fluttered open.

Natsu's eyes weren't on her own anymore. Instead they were drawn downwards towards her upper arm - where her hair usually fell past her shoulders. She already knew what he was looking at before he asked his question and she could barely keep down the panic that was rising in her chest.

"What is that? A bruise?" His fingers left her hair and grabbed her arm softly, carefully inspecting the faded yellow bruising on her skin. "What happened?"

Lucy was already shaking her head. "It's nothing. Just bumped into the door frame."

"Lucy, that's a..."

Handprint.

She knew what he was going to say. She knew that he would recognise it for what it really was. Yet, she still lied. It wasn't like she could actually tell him the truth. As far as Natsu knew she was single - she didn't have anyone else in her life and that's why started what they had. To make up for the lack of intimacy in both their lives.

He didn't know that she was married. He didn't know that her husband hit her. He didn't know that the real reason she visited him was to forget.

Her eyes turned from his concerned one's, his mouth in a firm line as he watched her carefully. She had to get out of here.

"It's late," Lucy started and her eyes unconsciously flickered to the clock on the wall. "I should probably get home."

Natsu blinked and he dropped her arm quickly. "Uh, y-yeah."

She grabbed her bag before she made her way to the door with Natsu's eyes on her the entire time, his face morphed into something perplexed that Lucy was too scared to decipher. Her hands shook slightly by her sides and she didn't realise she was holding her breath as her hand reached for the door knob, her fingers seconds away from opening up her escape.

"You can tell me anything. You know that. Don't you, Lucy?"

Her entire body froze at his words - her hand stilling.

"Lucy?"

She turned her head, a forced smile making its way up her lips before she met his gaze. "Aw, come on, Natsu. What ever happened to leaving feelings out of this, hm?" She winked before she turned back and didn't waste any time as she flung the front door open.

Lucy already had a foot out the door as he scoffed. "Right."

Yet, she didn't turn around and she kept walking until she got to her car where she started it up and reversed out of his driveway. It wasn't until she pulled up in front of her own house, when she turned off the ignition and looking at herself in the rear view mirror that Lucy screamed, her head falling on the steering wheel as sobs wracked her body.

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**I'm sorry this took so long. I had it nearly complete for the longest time but never got around to finishing the chapter. Hope you enjoy and as always please review your thoughts!**

Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter!

_UzumakiDavis27, YukiMC, SunsetRika, Lucy, Guest, aliciacevbra, Guest and Ushindeshi_

**~Doginshoe**


	3. Chapter 3

**TW: **mentions of cheating, mentions of drinking, discussion of suicide related thoughts, !ABUSE! and swearing

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Lucy didn't see Natsu for awhile after what happened. She told herself that she wasn't ignoring him. She was just busy, yet she deliberately left her second phone in her drawer at work instead of hiding it underneath her mattress like she usually did. There was something unsettling about facing him again, even reading his texts she felt… guilty. Just thinking about what happened gave her a queasy feeling in her stomach that made her drum her fingers harder on her desk.

She knew she couldn't handle lying to him again so she stayed away.

Though, she could almost call the turn of events lucky. Jackal was getting worse and she could sense that he knew something wasn't right. He called her randomly throughout the day while she was at work, always asking when exactly she'd be home and she had even caught him peeking through the blinds when she drove up the driveway after work one day.

It scared her because she knew exactly what he was doing - bubbling like a pot of water left on the stove that was soon to boil over. That was their rhythm. He would brood and manifest his thoughts, grabbing anything that he could use against her and twisting it into something elaborate so he could pin it against her. _So he had a reason._

The first time she had never been more confused and so full of self hatred. They had been at a party - a neighbourhood get together. She had smiled and laughed with her friends just like she normally would. Her mother and father had taught her how to engage, to be the perfect host or guest. It was in her nature to belong in the crowd.

Yet, apparently it had been a mistake. Jackal had grabbed her wrist. Hard. She looked at him with her eyebrows drawn in, questioning, but he only told her that they had to go home. He dragged her away with a flat goodbye and Lucy could only send a quick uneasy smile at the other party goers before they were out the door and he had told her to get in the car.

Those were the last people to see Lucy for a week afterwards.

They sat in silence as they made the drive home. She was in the passenger seat whilst she nervously bit her nails into her thighs whilst she tried to think of something to say. She wanted to know what was wrong, yet she was scared. Their fighting had been worse and she didn't want to make him angry again. She never wanted to make him angry.

However, Lucy still spoke up. Her voice was meek and she found it hard to look at him, but if she could help him… She still loved him after all. He was her husband.

"Did something happen, Jackal." She paused. "I didn't think we would be leaving so ear-"

The car picked up speed as he started yelling. His eyes turned to her and they swerved on the road, barely keeping control as he lost it.

"You're a filthy slut." He had called her and tears welled up in her eyes as fear grabbed hold of her heart.

"You were going to sleep with him. Think I wouldn't notice if you slipped away, huh?"

He grabbed a hold of her hair, the car swerving again as he picked up more speed.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," Lucy screamed, but he only pulled on her hair harder. "Please, Jackal! I wasn't doing anything. I would never do that to you. I love yo-"

He slammed on the breaks as she spoke, releasing his grip on her hair and letting Lucy's face collide with the dashboard. There was a cut on her eyebrow and blood dribbled down to her nose. All she could remember was the metallic taste in her mouth, his manic screaming turning into white noise around her as she spat out blood.

Lucy blinked as her phone rang and she frowned down at her legs where she had unconsciously been scratching at her thighs again. At least she was wearing a skirt.

Her eyes turned to her bag where her phone hummed with the incoming call. With a sigh and a quick glance around the office she reached in to answer the device. She didn't even have to check the ID to know who it was.

"Hello." Her voice was hollow as she spoke, yet her fingers came back to pick at the fabric of her skirt.

"Hey, baby," Jackal almost purred and she had to keep down a grimace, "When are you going to be home?"

Lucy hated it when he did this. The facade that he wore when he wanted to play with her, trying to spin her to get what he wanted. "Soon. I clock out at 4:30 since we aren't that busy on Tuesdays."

"Don't keep me waiting."

The call ended and Lucy felt her stomach pool with unease. He didn't even wait for her to offer a goodbye, not that it would be anything but clipped and short. She had stopped offering him a strained 'I love you' a long time ago.

With a sigh, she turned her focus back to her work, though she didn't want to get it done. The longer she stayed the more time she had free from him, but her frown deepened. That wasn't an option now.

He was closing in on her and it was almost suffocating.

Lucy unconsciously flicked her gaze to the phone in her drawer and she was tempted - to just fake sick right now and show up at his door. She closed her eyes as she imagined Natsu's arms around her, the way his grin would almost constantly be plastered on his face. It wasn't just the way he touched her anymore. He was safe.

She shook her head when the memories stirred of her last visit, the feeling from before tugging at her. Lucy always knew it was there. The guilt, but it was small - a weed that she could stamp out when it started to spread its roots. Yet, when she had lied to him it wrapped itself around her heart, tight. It was a reminder of what she was doing to him and she didn't want to face that. Lucy needed him.

She rubbed at her eyes before she rested her head in her hands, a grumble stirring in her throat as she pulled her gaze back to her work in front of her.

_It was going to be a long day._

With a huff she buried herself in her work. It was tedious enough and soon the thoughts that plagued her mind were set aside whilst she sorted through papers and files. Though, she barely got an hour through when a sharp buzz interrupted her train of thought. With a click of her pen, she pulled open her drawer, her hand shuffling to the back of her stuff before they pulled out the buzzing cell phone.

"Come over?"

The text lit up the screen and Lucy stared down at it. Natsu had no idea just how much he pulled her in, but her thoughts once again drifted back to that night and she threw it back into her desk. She couldn't do it. Not tonight. Jackal was waiting for her anyway.

Her eyes glided to the time. 4:21pm.

Lucy sighed, again. Her whole body sagging with exhaustion as she thought of what waited for her.

She packed her stuff, shrugging on her coat before her gaze turned to her desk drawer. Her eyes glazed over with emotion, everything in that moment coming to the surface as she looked down. She had tried not to think about her other device that laid there. She wasn't ready for him yet, but the itch was there. His text was still fresh in her mind and Lucy swayed between her choices. With a frustrated huff, she pulled open the drawer before stuffing the crappy phone deep into her bag, into the zipper alongside her spare pads.

It wasn't like she would answer him, she told herself. It was for the comfort and that was all.

When Lucy opened the door to her home, she wasn't sure what she was expecting. Jackal was poised on the couch, freshly showered and dressed up as he watched TV with a beer in his hand. She let out a short breath as she adjusted her bag and went to make her way up the stairs.

"You're late."

His voice echoed in the house and she stiffened in response.

After a pause she turned, her eyes meeting his as he turned his body towards her. "I told you. I don't get off till 4:30. Plus the traffic was a little heavy on the way back."

Lucy turned away from him, her feet turning to carry her to the kitchen as she heard him rise from the couch. She kept her bag on her shoulder as she opened the fridge to keep her hands busy, careful not to let him see the tremble of her fingers as he followed her steps.

"I was thinking we should go out tonight," he said.

Her hand reached for the jug of water before she closed the fridge, her gaze barely reaching his as she walked to the cupboard for a cup.

"Really?" Lucy asked, "What for?"

She turned to him then, her lips curling up into a small forced smile.

He was quiet as he watched her pour water into the glass, his eyes flicking to her hands and then back to her eyes. It wasn't until she had finished that he spoke, his gaze locked with her own and Lucy desperately wanted to run away - to tear her eyes from his.

"I think we deserve some time together." His hand slid to her own and Lucy flinched. Jackals gaze darkened, but he still grabbed her smaller one. "It's been so long since we've been anywhere."

Lucy's gaze snapped to where his hand held her own.

"You've been good lately, Lucy," He praised as he rubbed his thumb over her hand, "I felt that you've really been listening to me." His grip tightened. "I want to treat you."

She could feel her heartbeat in her ears as her lungs swelled inside her chest. He was too close, his hand on her. It was too much. Lucy pulled her hand back, but he caught her before she could and her breath hitched.

"I-I'm kind of tired," She breathed, "It's been such a long day at work and maybe you should just go on without me."

Lucy took a chance, her eyes flicking up but she regretted it instantly. He was staring down at her with such an intensity that she felt her throat constrict. Her whole body tensing as his light green eyes held her in place with a piercing look. Her brain told her to run.

His lips were pulled into a deep frown. "I planned this for you."

She couldn't help the scoff that left her lips. "Sure. That's what you did this for."

He let go of her hand as he stood up abruptly, his gaze fierce as he grabbed a hold of her face and turned it towards his.

"Watch your mouth," Jackal growled before he dropped her face harshly, letting her gaze fall to burn holes in the ground as he moved his way around the bench to her side.

"I wanted us to spend some time together… but I guess you have plans with someone else."

Lucy shook her head, her hands curling in small fists as she refused to look at him. "What do you mean by that?"

"What?" A dry laugh left his lips. "You really think I believe you? I know you're trying to sneak around behind my back." He took a swig from his beer and Lucy could smell the alcohol on his breath as he stood near her. She kept her breath bated as he towered behind her, making her shoulders slump as she kept her head down.

"Please, Jackal," She whispered, "Don't do this."

He laughed again. "Do what? I'm not doing anything, Lucy. It's all you." His words were laced with disgust as he said her name. As if just her existence repulsed him.

Natsu's face flashed in her mind as Jackal continued to degrade her. He didn't know… He couldn't know… She repeated to herself. He always did this - trying to push it all on her like he always did, like he did at that party all those years ago.

"You forget." Lucy was shaking now. "That it was actually all you."

He slapped her across the side of the face, his palm pushing her head to the side. The sting burned it's way across her cheek - spreading up her brow and to her nose where it then began to pulse when he pulled his hand away.

"Lucy... oh, Lucy. You know I love you... so just tell me the truth." His words were sickly sweet, mocking almost as he snaked behind her and laid his lips alongside the shell of her ear.

"There's... n-no one else I promise," she whispered and she closed her eyes as the tears started to spill down her cheeks, quiet sobs making her shoulders shake.

"Then tell me this." He started slowly before his voice raised with each word, venom spilling into his tone, until he was shouting. "Why can I smell him on you?"

His bottle went flying from his hands as he threw it, the glass shattering against the wall. Lucy cried out in fear as she brought her hands up to her face to shield herself, her eyes squeezing shut as she tried to escape from the reality she faced.

He grabbed at her arms, pulling them away from her face as he glared down at her. His breathing was heavy, dragging his shoulders high and making him look fierce. His eyes were wild, bloodshot, and cried out as she tried to tear herself from his grip. Her arms pulling as she brought her leg up to kick him.

When her knee came up to strike his gut there was a gasp, and Lucy used the loosening of his hands on her wrists to break free. She didn't look back as she bounded up the stairs, her blood pumping through her a mile a minute as she took each step three at a time. The walls around her blurred as she dashed through the house, her legs taking her to the only room in the house that had a lock. The bathroom.

There was an enraged shout that was closer than Lucy would've liked, her legs burning as she pushed them hard - to be faster.

When she finally had her hands locked around the door knob, she screamed as she saw Jackal. His hands unclenching and clenching into fists as he came down the hallway. He looked manic, his lips pulled back into a snarl as he shouted at her.

"Get back here you Cunt!"

Without a moment's hesitation Lucy slammed the door closed, the lock sliding across as a fist was brought down on the wooden barricade. The sounds echoed throughout the room like thunder as he banged and kicked in the door. She could only close her eyes, the tears halted in her panic as she held her breath whilst gripping the knob like a lifeline, her whole weight pressed up against it.

She would not let him in.

"You lying Bitch," Jackal screamed, "I'm going to kill you!"

He punched harder, the door vibrating underneath her in response to his assault. With every hit the lock pushed against its restraints - the door pushing an inch out of his frame, but Lucy kept herself there. She pushed harder against the door, bringing it closed every single time it threatened to waver.

_She would not let him in. _

There was a loud burst of frustration before he kicked the door, his voice hoarse from his screaming yet he continued to yell.

"Lucy!"

_**She would not let him in.**_

Her heart leapt in her chest as the final hit resounded throughout the bathroom then there was silence. Lucy stayed by the door, the blood thumping in her ears as she listening - waiting for another scream of her name or another fist against the door, but there was nothing.

It wasn't until she heard the screeching of car wheels that the blonde released her breath - the much needed air filling her lungs as she tried to calm herself down. Her hands were trembling as she let go of the door, her body sliding down to rest on the cool tile. Exhaustion took over and every part of her body ached as she took in deep breaths.

She barely noticed as the tears started again. A choked sob leaving her lips as she cried on the floor and let everything out. Her chest was tight and she couldn't shake the lump in her throat as she hiccuped. There was nothing in that moment except for falling apart and Lucy was at her breaking point.

It took her a long time until she pulled herself from the floor. Her hands finding the sink as she tried to find balance on her wobbling legs, finally resting her bag on the bench. She took a moment as she turned on the tap, the cold water rushing into the sink as Lucy splashed her face and rubbed at her eyes. It was only then that she brought her eyes up to her reflection.

Her cheeks were red, the one that Jackal had struck considerable so, the angry handprint on her face still fresh as it marked her face. Mascara was smudged around her eyes and ran down her face in black blotches. Though, none of that mattered to Lucy as she stared into her dull brown eyes. They were blank - hollow. It was as if the life had been sucked from their depths and they could no longer shine.

A sharp pain spread in her chest, but she barely reacted. The heartbreak of her own reflection was something she was so used to seeing. Lucy was completely numb to it now. She couldn't waste more tears on something that she couldn't change, something that she couldn't fix.

A heavy sigh left her lips as she stripped down, her body protesting in response as her muscles pulled in their tensed up state. Her hands were still shaking, but the blonde could only think of getting into the bath - to soak everything away and forget.

She didn't wait for it to fill before she climbed in. The water filling up around her as she relaxed into the tub. The steam rose from the scalding water but Lucy could only relish in the feeling as it pooled around her thighs and distracted her from the ache that resided in her body. Yet, she couldn't enjoy it completely. Her eyes wide open as her mind worked tirelessly to catch up to where she was feeling.

The water came up higher, covering just below her chin as Lucy slowly sunk - her brown eyes staring up at the ceiling lifelessly. It was hot against her skin, but she still felt empty as the water kept filling the tub up, up and up. The heat was the only thing that grounded her as she lay in the large bath.

She was tired and in that moment she wished that the water would swallow her whole.

And she tried to force it. Her head slipping under the still water as she encased herself in the warmth and made it take her. Maybe if she stayed there long enough she really would disappear - everything would disappear. If she kept herself here she would be gone and there would be no more pounding on doors, no more tears and no more hurting. She would finally have the freedom that she needed. To feel safe and at ease in her own home.

But the burning in her lungs told her otherwise, as well as the new sound of her cell phone ringing out in the quiet bathroom. With a gasping breath Lucy broke the surface, her hands coming up to wipe at her eyes before she turned off the tap and directed her gaze to the bench where her phone buzzed.

Without a thought she stood, water sliding down her body and onto the rug as she padded her way across the tiles to her bag where she found the source of her ringtone.

Natsu.

"Hello," she answered, and her gaze connected with her own in the mirror.

"Hi," Natsu's voice rang out from the other end, his soft tone stirring something familiar in Lucy - a feign feeling of what it would be like to fall in love. "What've you been up to, Stranger? You're not ignoring my texts, are you?"

There was a pause for her end. The silence weighing down on her as she stood in the bathroom and repeated his words in her mind.

"N-No!" Her voice broke. "Of course not. I was just at work and it was busy so I completely forgot about answering." Her heart panged in her chest.

"Well then, what do ya say? Have you been missing me as much as I've been missing you?"

She could almost see the flirty smile on his lips as she spoke, the words coming out confident and making Lucy take in a sharp breath. Her eyes flickered to the door and then to the full bathtub until they finally connected with her own reflection again - the smallest of twinkles in her eyes.

"You better be ready for me. I'm leaving in five."

She didn't wait for his reply before she hung up. His surprised words cutting cut off as she clicked the red dial button on her phone and her own smile made its way up Lucy's lips.

If she couldn't drown herself from existence than she could always pretend to herself that she had.

* * *

**A/N: Hi guys! I just want to let you know that this work will be on hiatus as I'm participating in NaNo WriMo for all of November. I'm going to be trying t write a story that is 50,000 words in just a month so I want to make sure it's my main focus so I can give it my best shot! Though, that doesn't mean I can lead the light of creativity so if anything strikes me for this chapter, you might see an update sooner than December!**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter as I worked hard to try and get it out for you guys before I go on break.**

**Thank you to everyone that reviewed:  
**_Ushindeshi, ipromiseimnotatotaldweeb, bahall1964, Guest_

**Also, to any TDH (The Draconian Huntress) readers in here, that story will be updated this weekend sometime. The latest being Tuesday. I hope you all have a great day!**

**~Doginshoe**


	4. Chapter 4

**TW**: Smut (will have beginning and end marked), mentions of cheating.. ect

* * *

Lucy had barely rapped her knuckles on the door before it was swung open to reveal a devilish grin. It was clear he had listened when she had told him to be ready, his hair was styled - still disheveled but had been messily spiked up from where the pink locks would usually fall in his eyes. He wore dark washed out jeans that clingged tight to his frame and a black tee that didn't leave much imagination to what was beneath.

"Hey," Natsu called out to her but she barely heard him as she pressed her lips to his own.

A surprised noise sounded from the back of his throat. His feet stumbling backwards while his hands gripped her waist to keep them from falling over backwards. Lucy, however, didn't notice the small trip and her hands came up to tangle in his hair when he finally responded to her hard kiss.

His mouth parted hesitantly, his hands winding their way around her waist to the small of her back. It was soft and slow, yet Lucy only used the opportunity to slip her tongue in his mouth and turn it feverish. Natsu tried to steady her but she only pressed against him harder, pushing them further and further to where she knew his bedroom was.

When they collapsed onto the bed Lucy left his lips to pepper kisses on his neck. Natsu sucked in a breath of air, his whole world spinning as he tried to understand the hands now running up his shirt and over his tanned stomach. She was all over him, her hips grinding over his crotch in his tight dark jeans and he could barely help the moan that left his lips.

It wasn't until she nibbled just below his ear and he felt her slim fingers beginning to fiddle with his buckle that he flipped them over, his breathing ragged and Lucy could only blink up at the flustered man above her. His hands took hers away from his body, but he didn't let go. Instead, his dark green eyes flicked up to her own as he slowly brought her hand to his lips.

Natsu pressed a soft kiss to her open palm - his hands still grasped onto her wrists but it was all so delicate. The touch so soft that Lucy only just registered that it was there. She could pull away if she wanted, but she stayed. Her gaze was fully transfixed with his own.

"Just breathe. There's no rush, Lucy."

She did has he said - her chest rising as she sucked in a deep breath.

He smiled, his eyes filling with something she couldn't place. It looked familiar, but she couldn't pinpoint it. She had seen it before so long ago, but it was lost to time. However, before she could lose herself in thought his lips whispered over her other hand and then, with only a simple nudge, he lifted her arms up over her head as he locked them in place.

This was all too different, she noted. Natsu had always been gentle - most of the time - and she had noticed that he slowly had been more affectionate. His touches staying longer on her skin as they wrapped themselves up in the sheets. Yet, there was just something... more.

"I'm gonna take care of you." His lips twisted into a slight smirk. "Catch your breath while you can."

She nodded too quick, her eyes widening slightly, and Natsu only let out a soft chuckle. Lucy was puddy in his hands - completely and utterly absorbed into each of his actions. His eyes sparkled and he leaned forward to press a feathered kiss just beside her temple, which sent a shockwave through her system. Her lips parted, a soft sigh leaving her as he pressed another on the high on her cheek bone - slowly making his descent to the corner of her mouth.

Lucy thought that he would kiss her then. For him to connect his lips with her own so the bubbling anticipation would melt away and the butterflies would swarm in her lower stomach. Yet, he didn't.

Instead, he continued his soft kisses along her jaw. Each press of his lips stayed longer as he then turned along the sensitive skin of her neck. She gasped when he gently sucked on the flesh, leaving tiny red marks against a spot that she had always said was too ticklish to touch.

It was when he reached just before the junction of her shoulder that he pulled his sharp teeth over her skin and bit down.

"Ahh," Lucy cried and her hands tried to pull against where he held them above her head, but he kept them in position with his one of his own. His other hand though, was already making its descent, fingernails skimming down the soft flesh of her arm as he continued to suck hard on her neck.

When he reached her breast he squeezed - feeling the heavy mounds underneath the thin layer of her t-shirt. It caused Lucy to grit her teeth - wishing that she could discard the piece of clothing, but once again, her hands were stuck.

Natsu was torturess as he licked down towards her collarbone, leaving a dark purplish bruise where his mouth had just assaulted her neck. It was angry, the teeth marks leaving indents in her skin, small drops of blood appearing where his canines had been. He had barely even started yet she was writhing underneath him, her thighs rubbing together as she hoped to calm the soft burn that was spreading through her core.

"Hmm.. Natsu," Lucy breathed, exhaling heavily through her nose, "S-stop.. Teasing!"

His dark eyes flickered up to hers. They were dangerous, the glint telling just what he had planned for her. Yet, warmth only spread through her chest as she connected her gaze with his.

Slowly he pulled himself back up, placing a kiss to her plump lips that had Lucy humming in delight - the sensation sending a spark through her body that made her toes curl. Everything felt hot between them and when he rested his forehead against her own, she could feel her skin searing from the touch. She closed her eyes as she savoured just how light she felt in this moment - the soft intimate touches sending her somewhere she didn't want to leave.

It was bliss.

Natsu made a noise in his throat and she looked up into his gaze. "Relax. I promised I would take care of you. So just…" He placed a tender kiss to the tip of her nose that had Lucy's heart fluttering. "Let me do this."

She nodded hesitantly and he smiled at her before he placed another kiss to her lips - his hand travelling down and under her shirt where his fingers circled her creamy skin. The soft touch sent shivers down her spine and Lucy had to suppress her whine as she tightened her hands, that were still locked in his, into a fist.

**A/N: *SMUT UNTIL LINE BREAK***

He took his time as he nibbled on her bottom lip, coaxing her mouth to part so he could deepen their kiss. Her chest felt tight as he slipped his tongue passed her lips, the hot muscle teasing her own before it flicked up to massage the roof of her mouth. Her moan was muffled as they kissed and Lucy could hardly think as her brain short circuited from his ministrations. She had never felt like this before and her chest burned from the lack of air as she lost herself in him, tears lining the corners of her eyes as she let herself sink into what was meant to be wrong but felt so right.

Natsu could sense the flex of her legs as she needed air and he pulled back, yet as she tried to catch her breath his hand was already bunching her shirt up and over her breasts. His fingers skimming over the fabric before he squeezed the flesh a little bit more harshly than before.

Her eyes rolled back as her spine arched from his touch. It was overwhelming with how he made her feel, her chest heaving as she took in deep breaths. He had always made her feel good, but now it was all so much - painstakingly slow as he dipped his head low to pepper kisses across her breasts.

"N-Nahhtsu," Lucy whispered, her next words swallowed whole when he released her hands to unclip her bra and reveal her pink nipples to his hungry gaze. He didn't waste any time as his hands slipped down to her hips whilst his mouth dived between her breasts - tongue gliding down the valley created there.

Lucy's hands upon their release, grabbed hold of the bed frame as she twisted and turned, moans spilling from her lips as he continued to play with her body.

His fingers pinned her hips in place whilst he flicked his wet muscle over her nipple and then took it into his mouth, giving it a long and hard suck that made her cry out. Natsu's lips curled upwards, his gaze flicked up to her face - her eyes half lidded and mouth parted. He wasted no time in grazing his sharp canines over the sensitive bud and lightly pulled it between his teeth.

She gripped the wooden bar tighter as he kept teasing her, her breathing becoming more laboured. Yet, it had only just begun. His fingers grazed along her skin, across the fabric of her skirt before he turned when he reached her thighs - his hands pushing up her skirt to squeeze the flesh of her behind.

Lucy mewled. "Hnng, yes."

Her ass spilled between his fingers and that's when he left her breasts. Natsu pulled himself up before he looped his fingers into her underwear and pulled it down to her knees, his smirk growing as he looked at the skimpy panties. A white g-string.

"Eager, Luce?"

"Natsu." She pouted, yet his eyes only shined with amusement as he looked back up at her.

"Don't worry," he whispered, his smirk turning into a cheeky smile as he lowered himself back down, "I won't tell anyone."

Lucy was about to protest, her cheeks flushed in embarrassment, but he was already placing a soft kiss just below her breasts. His hands were on her thighs and running along the skin until they were pushing up her skirt over her hips.

She was exposed now and Natsu wasted no time in sliding his fingers up between her legs. He placed one hand back on her hips, keeping her stable, whilst the other cupped her. He rubbed her mound and Lucy moaned, the teasing touch sending a pleasant throb through her clit as he finally gave her the attention she needed.

When he slipped a finger past her lips she couldn't contain her gasp. Natsu had kissed back up to her neglected nipple as he continued to rub her, the tension building between her thighs as he continued his ministrations - pushing a single digit into her wet entrance before flexing his wrist and pumping his finger into her warm pussy.

"Nn-nahtsu!"

She could hardly think as he pushed the digit in and out of her - her walls clamping around him. Lucy's hands let go of the bar across the bed frame, bringing them down to grab onto Natsu's shoulders as he continued his ministrations. Everything was hot, pleasure building in the pit of her stomach as he continued to finger her. It wasn't long before he added another to her hole, her womanhood practically dripping as he fucked her with his fingers.

Her walls stretched as he entered her with the added digits that curled up inside her to press into a particular sweet spot that had Lucy gasping. It was too much. The corners of her vision were darkening as she moaned - barely able to repress the sounds that he was eliciting as she was stuck in pure ecstasy.

She felt she was nearly coming undone - her nails digging into his shoulders as she grit her teeth and pushed her head into the pillow, but as soon as it built up it stopped.

Natsu had pulled his hand away from her and laid kisses along her body until he was looking into her eyes again. She couldn't help the whine in the back of her throat, her hips bucking as she begged for him to return his fingers to her pussy that was buzzing with pleasure, but it was obvious by his hungry gaze that he had other plans - his fanged smirk growing as desire burned in his dark eyes.

Lucy didn't even have to say a word before he was kissing her, his lips moulding against her own as his hand that had been inside her now fiddled with the buckle on his pants. He was clumsy as he was so absorbed into her. His other hand on her hip now gripping onto her waist as he tried to bring her closer, yet his hands kept slipping.

"Fuck," Natsu cursed as he continued to struggle with the belt and Lucy giggled before her hands reached down inbetween them. He couldn't help but smile at her, the action just showing how thankful he was as she worked on releasing his cock from its confines, before he was peppering kisses along her jaw and gently sucking on the skin there.

She made quick work of his pants, using nimble fingers to undo the clasp and button before unzipping his jeans. They both wasted no time after his pants were loosened from his hips, Natsu wiggling his hips to help as Lucy pulled them down along with his underwear.

Once his member was set free she had her hands around the base, feeling up his length as Natsu settled between her legs. Their gazes lit up as they stared at each other.

He had to bite back a moan as looked into her eyes. "Are you ready?"

Lucy nodded, taking her bottom lip between her teeth as she positioned him in front of her entrance. His forehead dipped to touch her own as everything swam in his gaze and for a fleeting moment, he almost seemed unsure of himself as he looked into her eyes.

She still couldn't figure out just what was going through his head, but it was lost to her as he smiled before pressing a soft kiss to her lips - wasting no time before he pushed himself into her. Her arms came up around his neck, pulling herself upwards as Natsu put a hand on the small of her waist. He held her as he began to thrust into her - their bodies joining as they connected their lips in a sweet kiss.

Warmth spread through her body, the feeling welling up in her chest as she clung to him and then pooling down deep in her gut. It was complete and utter bliss, no, every sensation was entirely euphoric, but even that didn't seem to quite describe the elated pressure that sparked her nerve endings. It was just… him. It was all Natsu. Being completely and utterly wrapped up in him, as he filled up each of her senses while he pushed and pulled himself from her tight walls.

In that moment Lucy felt wanted - more than she had ever felt before.

* * *

It was sometime in the early morning when she woke. Her hand reaching out in the cheap sheets to caress the air as Lucy mumbled something incoherent in her sleep whilst she tried to find Natsu in the dark across the bed. Yet, her hands only smoothed over nothing as she realised that he couldn't be found.

She opened her bleary eyes, blinking away the sleep and exhaustion as she stared at the empty side of the bed. Her lips pursed in confusion as she then looked around the room but he wasn't anywhere in sight. He could've gone to work, but a quick look at the clock told Lucy it wasn't possible as the numbers beamed 3:21 into the dark room.

Her lips twisted into a grimace as the pads of feet connected with the cold floor and the chill of the night air nipped at her naked body, her hands coming up to rub at her arms as she reached for his shirt that had been hazardously chucked around the room.

With soft steps she made her way into the dining room and peered behind the wall, her eyes quickly scanning the room. Yet, it didn't take her long for her to realise that he wasn't in the kitchen or even the house. The porch light beamed from open back door that was held open with a box of junk that Natsu was too lazy to sort. The fly screen, however, had been left closed, which Lucy couldn't help but be thankful for as she eyed the bugs that flew around the only light source that remained outside.

When she reached the door, her hand grasping the metal handle, she hesitated. Her eyes flicking down as she pulled her lips in between her teeth as she contemplated if she could really be in the right state of mind near him. All she had wanted was to escape from what happened just like she normally would. Except… Except he had turned everything around on her now.

The way he had touched her and the look in his eyes.

The thoughts and feelings overwhelmed her - A voice in her head screaming at her to run away and to slip out the front door before he even knew she was awake, but she didn't want to. She didn't care that Jackal was probably at home waiting for her. She didn't care that this was dangerous because for some reason it was all she wanted right now. To feel what she did with him again.

Without another thought she opened up the door, the hinges creaking as it swung open. Natsu didn't even look at her. His eyes were trained on the stars above him as he sat shirtless with his legs over the edge of his porch, a cigarette in his hand. Cautiously, she moved and sat beside him on the wooden deck as her hands made their way to grip her knees to stop his large shirt from climbing up her legs.

"Hey." Lucy nudged his arm and he turned his gaze to her, a smile pulling at his lips. "Can't sleep?"

Her question was innocent - playful - and yet his eyes flickered to the floor as he brought his cigarette up for another drag. "Something like that I guess."

"Is everything alright?"

She tilted her head to the side as she asked, her brown eyes full of concern but he only waved her off before he turned back to look at the sky. His chest heaving as he exhaled the smoke into the night and she couldn't help the way her nose twitched at the unpleasant smell.

"It's all good," he stated, the emotions void from his voice, "Just thinking is s'all."

Lucy moved herself closer to his side, her hand taking his as she cuddled up to him. The smell of cigarettes was harder to stand the closer she was to him, but she couldn't help it. After everything that had happened - After what she felt before, she couldn't help but want to be near him more than anytime before and it was in this moment, as his eyes seemed so lost, that she couldn't deny herself of the pull.

Her lips twisted into a smile as she squeezed his hand. "Then how about I take your mind off things?"

"Sure." His eyes turned back to hers, the hint of a sparkle there as he half smiled back at her. "What've you got in mind?"

Lucy looked around the porch, her lips pursed as she tried to find something to distract him. However, it didn't take her long before she was pointing up in the night sky. He followed her arm and frowned, yet he couldn't even comment on her choice of topic before she was speaking.

"If you're going to look up at the stars all night then you should at least know what they are," Lucy chirped.

"Really?" Natsu looked back at her not very impressed. "You're going to give me a lesson? I mean, c'mon Luce. I didn't think you were that… boring."

Her eyebrows narrowed as she glared at him, her hand coming up to grab his face. "It's not boring!" She seethed, "And what if you're ever lost? The stars can be great guides." She turned his eyes back to the sky above them as she let out a huff. "My mother always used to tell me about the constellations whenever I couldn't sleep so just listen."

He didn't say another word as she started to point back up into the sky. She traced lines as she connected each sparkling dot, telling their stories as he started leaning back whilst he watched her speak - occasionally offering a gentle murmur for her to keep going. They stayed like that for awhile, hands intertwined, until Lucy had to clear her throat from her constant talking.

"You won't be able to see any of the others for awhile," Lucy hummed as she finally tore her gaze from the sky.

"Why?"

Lucy smiled as he continued looking up at the stars. "Because they're not prominent at this time of year."

For someone that was supposedly a bore to begin with he seemed very interested in what she had been telling him. Lucy couldn't help the warm feeling that spread through her chest as he nodded, eyebrows drawn in as he thought about what she said. However, her throat burned for a break from her endless chatter.

"Come on. That's enough of me talking now." She poked at his chest and he turned to her. "It's your turn to tell me something."

He laughed. "Like what?"

There was a pause as she thought it over, her eyes raking over his form as she tried to ask him something. Though, she lingered her gaze on the contortions of his muscles, it didn't take her long till she was staring at a particular tattoo on his shoulder. Lucy had never seen a symbol or anything like it before.

"What does this mean?"

He followed her gaze and his lips pulled up into a grin as the flicker of memories flared in his eyes. "This?" He rolled his shoulder as she nodded. "It's something I got back in highschool."

Lucy couldn't help the gasp that left her lips. A tattoo in school? Her father would never have allowed anything like it. Hell, he would even be rolling in his grave if she went and got one now. Especially something that was so... bizzare. It almost looked like a bird.

"It's something me and my mates got back in school," Natsu stated as he watched Lucy look at the ink on his arm like it was the strangest thing she had ever seen, "It was our gang symbol."

As Lucy's eyes bulged, her jaw dropping in her shock, he couldn't help the snort that left his lips. He shook his head, his free hand coming up to cradle his face as his canines glinted in the porch light as she seemed frozen in place. "I'm just fucking with you."

He laughed even harder as her face fell into a scowl. "Don't do that!" She growled and for good measure she squeezed his hand in her own. Hard.

"Ow!"

"Tell me what it really means!" She pouted.

Natsu smiled as he shook his head. "Fine. It was something one of my friends came up with - Sort of like a group symbol when we were younger." He shrugged. "Right before we graduated we all thought we'd keep it with us somehow and I chose to get it as my first tattoo." His voice was filled with warmth as he spoke. "It's a reminder, you know? Of all the good times we had together."

She couldn't help how her smile mirrored his own. It was obvious how much it meant to him.

"That's sweet," she hummed and her eyes slowly glided down the rest of his other arm, "And this one?" She pointed to the dragon the curled over his bicep, around his elbow and then to his forearm.

"That one's obvious." Natsu grinned. "I like dragons."

Lucy couldn't help the small chuckle that left her. "Dragons? Seriously?"

"What? Dragons are awesome!"

She rolled her eyes and Natsu let out a scoff, whispering something under his breath. Yet, she decided to ignore his childish antics to instead continue scanning his body for more tattoos that she hadn't noticed before. She already knew that he had one on his back. That one she had asked about almost immediately after she met him as it poked out from the collar of his shirt.

Her gaze ended at their entwined hands and she couldn't help the blush that dusted her cheeks. Not once throughout the whole time they had been talking had he pulled away and Lucy could feel butterflies swarm in her chest at the thought. Yet, there was also something else that caught her eye as she stared down - a petal in black ink poking along the side of his arm from his wrist.

"What about this one?" She pulled her fingers from his warmth as she softly turned his arm around to get a better look at the delicate artwork on his body. It was a single flower that looked to be a daisy, its stem wrapped around two lines that resembled a cross as leaves climbed out over the entire length. "What story does it have?"

She didn't notice how he frowned as soon as her hand left his or how it deepened when he saw exactly what she was inspecting. His eyes lost their shine. No evidence of his laughter or even a hint of a smile on his face. He stayed silent and Lucy looked up, full of questions, but slowly loosening her grip on his arm as she saw the look on his face.

"Natsu…?" She questioned softly, her mind still reeling with curiosity. Yet, he turned his gaze from her and back up to the stars.

"It's nothing really." He laughed bitterly, the sound foreign to her ears. She had never heard such pain laced in his voice. "Just a mistake."

Lucy could only stare at him in silence, the words choking up in her throat as her mind drew up blanks.

Natsu sighed. "That was my second... A year after I had left highschool and I had enlisted into the army." He trailed off with a pause, and Lucy found her heart stopping in her chest as the anticipation built up in her chest. "It was six months after I had proposed."

She couldn't form any words - every thought lost to her in that moment, staring in disbelief as she felt a slight pang in her heart. Though, the questions kept building up at the edge of her mind.

"It was a promise to her - that I'd always come home," he said as he recalled the old memory, voice void of any emotion as he spoke, "She always got so upset when I had to leave. I thought it would be good, you know? Something to symbolise just how much she meant to me." He scoffed. "Like the ring wasn't enough."

She swallowed, her curiosity piping up. "What happened?"

"Three years into my service and she started actin' different…" His lips pursed as he seemed to think back to that very moment - pain reflecting in his eyes. "It was distant, like she didn't want me around anymore. When I came home to visit she didn't even seem to notice. She almost seemed happy when I would have to be deployed again."

His lips pulled down as stale anger laced his tone and to Lucy's surprise he gripped onto her slipping hand. It didn't hurt - more like Natsu was grounding himself to her as he spoke about the past. So he wouldn't slip away into his memories.

"I should've known somethin' was up." He sneered."I mean, it wasn't like her to not be upset. She would always be starting fights when I had to leave again, but I… I hoped that she was getting used to it. But… It wasn't even a year later that I came home to nothing. The whole house had been stripped clean - only thing that was left behind was a note… and her ring."

He paused and loosened his grip on her hand as he sighed. Everything leaving his gaze as his shoulders slumped. Lucy didn't have to ask where she had gone because she knew exactly how this story ended. She was almost living it herself and she felt her heart crumble in her chest as the guilt pooled in the pit of her stomach, now filling her up completely as Natsu confessed his past to her.

"She had left with him… Some guy she had met during the time I was away." His voice cracked, but there was no tears on his face. There was only heartbreak that shadowed his features as he closed his eyes, opening them back up as he looked at the stars. "After everything we had said to each other and I was nothin'." He paused for a moment and she felt her lungs burn, the pressure making it harder to breathe as his next words left his lips. "I just don't get how people do it."

Lucy could barely manage a whisper as she felt her chest constrict, her mind trying to focus on her breathing. "Do what?"

"Cheat." Natsu deadpanned and she couldn't help it as she sucked in a breath. The weight crashed down on her and she unknowingly tightened her grip on his arm.

Lucy looked down at the tattoo as everything jumbled inside her head. She couldn't help the way her eyes started tearing or the ache in her chest. Natsu didn't deserve any of this. He didn't deserve to even know her. Yet, she couldn't tell him this - just how sorry she was for what she was including him in even though he had been through it all before.

There was nothing she could do for him and that hurt her the most.

With a heavy sigh, she leaned down to the black ink tattoo on his wrist, and placed a soft kiss at its center. She lingered there for awhile and she could feel Natsu shiver underneath her touch. Her lips soft against his warm skin as she silently apologised to him…

As she silently asked for his forgiveness.

"I know I can't heal the pain," her voice wobbled, the guilt strangling her words, "But I hope it'll hurt a little less now."

He grinned, his eyes still turned to the dark midnight sky as he took in a deep breath. "You're something else, Luce."

When she looked up she couldn't tear her gaze from him. Usually the stars could always hold her gaze, but for once she didn't want to stare up at the twinkling bright lights in the sky. Instead she just wanted to watch him - to watch how he smoothed over his sadness with a casual shrug.

"You don't," Lucy started and without thinking she was grabbing onto his hand tightly, lacing their fingers together, "You don't have to always be strong, you know?"

His smile disappeared and turned into a deepened frown as he gave her hand a tight squeeze. Those dark eyes of his told her everything as they glistened in the soft light, shining with guarded walls that were barely holding everything inside.

"It doesn't bother me anymore. I promise."

Lucy could hardly restrain herself as her eyebrows pulled down in her fury. "That's bullshit. You think I'm blind? I can see it's hurting you."

He sighed and he turned his gaze from the stars back to her face. "Lucy, look-" he started but he was cut off as the blonde shook her head.

"No, Natsu," her eyes were fierce as they shone with tears, "You look because I'm not going to let you burden this anymore. It doesn't have to be done alone."

"And can you really say that?" His voice was raised but he wasn't angry. "You think that I don't notice what you're carrying around with you?"

She sucked in a breathe before her eyes left him, the fire leaving her gaze. Silence fell over them as they both sat on the wooden porch, the hum of cicadas, the only thing that interrupted the bitterness that erupted between the forbidden couple.

Natsu cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, Lucy." He turned his eyes back to the sky and she followed suit, her head leaning on his side as they both looked at the stars. "But I meant what I said- I'm okay. It's just hard to come back from something that broke you."

"I understand," Lucy whispered.

Her eyes were downcast, unable to look at him anymore as her own troubles flashed through her mind. Mainly the face of her husband that had her slightly grasping Natsu's hand a little tighter.

She had found her escape in Natsu, but she still wasn't free. All she was doing was causing more pain to someone who didn't deserve it. Even if he didn't realise what she was doing she was still doing wrong by him and Lucy knew what she needed to do. Her heart twisted in her chest as she turned her gaze up to the sky.

She had to be free.

Not just feeling fleeting moments. She had to leave her husband - to leave Jackal. For good. The thought scared her. It always had, but for some reason she felt stronger than all the other times. Her brown eyes flickered to Natsu and she settled closer to his side as she enjoyed her last moments with him before she would have to leave as sunlight began to trickle over the horizon.

Maybe… just maybe she would be able to convince him to open his heart to her when she had made a new life for herself.

* * *

Natsu grinned as he pulled his helmet from his head, kicking the stand to his motorcycle down to park his bike alongside the verge. He was excited. His fingers buzzing with energy as he quickly lifted his seat to grab the bag of take out that he had picked up on the way. He just couldn't help the bounce in his step as walked up the driveway, his eyes taking in the full view of Lucy's house from out the front.

He just couldn't help himself. It hadn't even been a full day since she had left his house that morning, but he just needed to see her. He could feel himself becoming antsy from just sitting in his home. It was just so empty he had realised that Lucy saw him, and it just felt right with her around. Everything was light, especially now that there was almost nothing kept between them anymore. Natsu knew that Lucy still harboured… something. Yet, he knew they could get through it - as friends.

He was an optimist at heart.

Lucy's car was parked out the front, alone in the driveway, and he couldn't help the relief he felt knowing she was home. He'd never been inside the blonde's house before, only dropping off her panties when she had forgotten the red lace tied around his bed post, but she had been oddly specific about the time. She had said to him that she had somewhere to be and had practically ran back inside when she had grabbed the garment with only a quick wave.

Natsu knew then that she was a busy woman. Not that he hadn't assumed before. She was always done up - hair pulled into place, clothes crinkle free that she always smoothed over after everything she did and soft make up on her face. Not to mention how quick she was to leave his house when they had first got together. Yet, his thoughts were confirmed when she had practically pushed him out of her driveway that day. Always something planned.

It had taken him awhile to get her to loosen up. Though, she still always seemed to be in a rush so he was glad that he hadn't missed her, considering he was coming by unannounced. Not that he minded waiting for her. He just didn't want their dinner to get cold.

His knuckles came down on the hardwood of the door and he couldn't help but marvel a little at the white frame with gold handles. He really had no idea why Lucy went for him, but he wouldn't get stuck on it. That's what he learned - never question a good thing - and that's what Lucy was. A light in his life that he hadn't seen before.

There was some time that passed before the door swung open and then Lucy was standing there, hair a mess with bags under eyes from staying up all night with him and rumpled clothes. Her mouth dropped as she saw him, her eyes widening and something like panic flashing through them as her fist closed tightly around the doorknob.

"Hungry?" Natsu asked, his hand coming up with the takeout food as he grinned at her.

* * *

**A/N: November has been very messy for me so I've had a lot of change of plans. However, I'll still be updating this story, which is all that matters. To any TDH readers I'm sorry that it's taking so long for me to update, but I am slowly working on it. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed:**

_SunsetRika, annegirl13, Guest, Guest, lovelyluce, stranger1999, __Ushindeshi_

**~Doginshoe**


	5. Chapter 5

**TW: heavy angst, abuse flashbacks**

* * *

Lucy scrubbed at her eyes with her sleeve, willing for the exhaustion weighing them down to disappear. She didn't know how she had made it to her shift after leaving Natsu's house. Her mind was running on auto-pilot as she drove home, quickly freshening up and then was out the door for an eight thirty start. Throughout the entire day she had been like a zombie, her head bobbing and her eyes closing as she fell asleep at her desk.

On the way home she felt like she needed to prop her eyes open just to stay awake. However, she could only frown as she had to keep her hands on the steering wheel, choosing instead to wind down her window and let the afternoon air blast her face as she sped all the way home. It somewhat helped, the spray of cool air giving her a quick buzz as her muscles worked to warm up her skin that had been raised with goosebumps.

In her rush she had even forgotten her wedding ring. Though, Jackal hadn't been home that morning or now as she pulled up into the driveway. Least she had that to be thankful for, but she knew he could come back at any time and his mental state was something she couldn't predict.

A shiver ran up her spine, Lucy quickly shaking her head as she tried to dispel the memories of him from last night. She couldn't remain in the past where her fears would overcome her. Besides, thinking about what happened quickly lead her mind to her and Natsu, which already had her cheeks flushed.

Once again, Lucy shook her head as she stepped out of the car. She couldn't get lost in those feelings she thought whilst she unlocked the door. There was too much for her to unpack and her stomach already felt like it had dropped to her feet as she peered into the house looking to see if maybe Jackal really was there - she didn't need butterflies to make matters worse.

However, as she had assumed, her husband hadn't come home and she let out a relieved sigh. Lucy was too exhausted right now to deal with him. Though, she was always exhausted lately. Over the years she found her shoulders kept sagging even earlier in the day, her eyes always tired and glazed over. Yet, it wasn't just emotionally that she was drained - it was physically too this time.

Lucy couldn't help the small smile that pulled at her lips as she dropped her bag onto the kitchen counter and made her way up the stairs. At least with Natsu she never felt tired. A buzzing energy seemed to light her up every time that he crossed her mind. Even last night she had felt like she was on the top of the world as they just sat and talked on his porch. Not a single yawn parted her lips as she cuddled closer to his side, and they had both barely registered the time until the sun started to pull its bottom half over the horizon - the birds coming to life to start the annoying chorus of a new day.

Natsu's eyes had nearly came out of his head, startling as she chimed about how late they had stayed up. He looked about as stunned as a fish out of water and she couldn't help but giggle. Her long term 'supposed' one-night stand laughing alongside her as soon as his dark green eyes met hers.

She suppressed the laugh that wanted to bubble up as she walked to her dresser to pull on comfortable clothes rather than her stiff pencil skirt. It would be much better if she could sink herself into a hot bath with the book she had just started, but her mind wandered to the broken glass that was littered across the floor downstairs from Jackal's outburst and with a sigh, she snapped the waistband of her sweat pants around her hips before pulling herself back down the stairs.

Though, before she could take her last steps out the door, her gaze drifted to where she had left the wedding ring. It sat on the bedside table, the three small diamonds dull from time and lack of care. When he had first given it to her - when he had proposed. It was in the diner where they had their first date after a football game in their last year of highschool.

"_I can't wait to make you the happiest girl in the world, Lucy Heartfilia."_

The words he had told her were still fresh in her mind like it had only been yesterday. What a cruel promise it had been. Lucy couldn't help but remember those words everytime he screamed at her, or everytime she fell to her knees gasping for breath because the tears just wouldn't stop. For the longest time she had held onto them. She believed in them, cherished them and used them in the times she would tell herself, "It'll get better."

She remembered when that ring had stopped shining as bright as when she had first started wearing it. When she had thrown it at her husband's feet in a screaming match after their third year anniversary.

Lucy had prepared a picnic basket, packing it the night before and waking up early the next day. She threw on one of her best dresses and hid his present inside the wrapped up picnic blanket.

Then she had waited.

At that point Jackal spent most of his time out. He didn't come home at night often - usually only in the early hours of the morning where he would stumble through the door and wake her up with the pungent smell of booze that rolled off his body. She would never make a sound, even as his cold hands would rip at her pyjama bottoms while she pretended to still be asleep.

However, this time he didn't come home. Not until the day was over and everything that she had planned had been wasted. She had been so angry, her nails pressing moon shaped cuts into her palms as she yelled at him. That was the first and only time she had got close to leaving him.

"_Just shut the fuck up!" Jackal screamed, his fist coming down on the wall that caused a thud to resound throughout their house. "I don't need your shit."_

_Lucy pulled back, her eyes red as her frustration rose within her and her fists came up before she pushed them back at her sides._

"_Fine," she spat as she pried the ring from her finger, "If that's the way you feel about it."_

_In that moment she threw it down, the metal clattering on the wood at his feet before it rolled underneath the dining table. Without waiting to see his reaction she turned towards the door, but she didn't get that far. _

_When her fingers had just graced the handle he had grabbed onto her blonde locks, slamming her forehead into the wood as his icy tone crept into her ear. _

"_Where do you think you're going?"_

Lucy's stomach dropped and she unconsciously looked over her shoulder, away from the ring to make sure that he wasn't standing behind her. It was irrational, she knew, but she couldn't help the need to check. A sigh of relief left her lips as the empty hallway came into view, but that fear still lingered in the back of her mind.

She didn't waste another moment before she strode across the bedroom, quickly pulling the discarded ring back on her finger. It was doubtful that Jackal would notice the small piece of jewellery missing from her hand - he was always too drunk to notice anything. Though, Lucy didn't want to take her chances.

If she was planning to leave then she needed to keep out of his way.

It would be difficult when he was a ticking time bomb, but she needed to try her best. Having her husband pushing her back into the hole he kept her in would only cause more issues and it was time that Lucy finally did the right thing.

For everyone.

Lucy flexed her fingers, the ring feeling foreign ever since that day. In her mind that was when their marriage had truly ended. Now, it was only a farce held together by fear and expectations. She had stopped loving Jackal ever since he had whispered the truth to her face - his lips twisted as he spat his venom at her.

"_I have never felt anything for you."_

She tightened her hand into a fist, trembling slightly as she felt her eyes sting. It wasn't time to get lost in those thoughts. The blonde was far too tired to deal with any of it right now. She couldn't lose herself or all the progress she had made, the strength to begin standing up on her own, would be lost.

Right now, she needed to focus on one step at a time, which was staying under his radar. Lucy kept the thoughts in the forefront of her mind with a nod. She could fall apart later - When she finally felt safe and had the time to collect the broken pieces and glue them back together. There had been too many times when she had lost parts of herself because Jackal had kicked the shards out of her grasp before she could pull them close.

Lucy was determined to never let that happen again and so, with another flex of her fingers to release her tightened fists, she made her way back down stairs. It wasn't going to be like that any longer. She was sure of it.

The blonde had barely reached the last step, her gaze landing on the broken glass on the floor, when a knock from the door resounded throughout the house. Instantly, Lucy froze up. Her brown eyes snapped from her task to the front door and her breath hitched - her heart rate picking up.

She opened her mouth to call out, but her throat was already closing up, choking on her own words as her mind flashed to one person that could've been behind that door.

Jackal.

Lucy had to catch herself on the railing. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped onto the wood for dear life - Anything to keep herself grounded. She tried to focus on breathing through her nose, quickly filling her lungs as she shook her head.

It couldn't be. Her husband wouldn't knock at their own door. 'You're being ridiculous,' Lucy told herself and slowly relaxed her grip on the railing as she tried to work through her own thoughts.

She had been through this with herself so many times and she shakily pulled a hand to scrub at her eyes. It wasn't him. There was no logical reason that he would be here, knocking at their own front door. He wasn't here. She was safe.

_Breathe, Lucy. Just breathe. _

The blonde sighed, releasing her grasp so she could lightly smack her cheeks as she blinked open her brown eyes. She refocused her vision and swallowed down the lump in her throat. Her heart calmed down and the rushing thoughts settled as she allowed herself a small pause before she went to answer the door. The house was silent and Lucy revelled in it, just for a moment, as she took in one last shaky breath.

Hopefully, it was the postman, or even The Jehovah's Witness. Maybe she could drown out her life for a second as they drawled on and on. It wouldn't be the first time that she had done it. Though, it wasn't really her choice. They never let her get a word in as soon as she opened the door.

Her lips twitched upwards, but it quickly faded as she made her way towards the door and, with one last sigh, came face to face with the person she **least** expected to see on her doorstep.

Lucy's jaw went slack. Her brown eye's widening as she took in Natsu who stood before her. He held up a bag, the smell of chinese food wafting to her senses and pulling her into the moment that her mind immediately tried to escape from.

"Hungry," He teased, his signature grin making its way across his face and Lucy could barely remember to take a breath, her heart rate picking back up again.

Everything told her that he was standing right there. His devilish smile that she adored, his voice filling her ears and the way his green eyes shone in the sunlight that spilled onto the porch and illuminated half his features. Yet, she couldn't believe it. Her mind had gone blank, the scream of logical thought wiped from her brain as Lucy took a step back - blinking as she tried to make the image of him disappear.

Natsu took that as his cue to come in. His shoulder brushed her own as he passed her and Lucy felt her knees go weak, the shock sent tingles down her spine making her feel she would fall over in that very moment.

"Wow, this is some place you got, Luce," His eyes roamed from the high ceilings to the living room. He whistled as he admired the TV mounted on the wall, the leather couches and the dark wood floor that contrasted with light walls. "I really don't know why you always want to hang out in my dump when you live in a freakin' palace."

He grinned at her as Lucy shut the door behind him, barely registering his presence as she stared straight passed him.

"I got chinese food." He rambled, not taking much notice of her silence as he turned back to looking around her house. "So I hope that's alright with you. We've had it a few times together so I thought, why not? You know?"

Lucy nodded dumbly, her hands trembling as she kept them behind her. She was sweating, her palms slipping from her fingers as she fidgeted, pulling and pushing the ring caught on her finger that felt scalding against her skin.

She sucked in a breath. "What are you doing here exactly?"

Natsu paused from taking any further steps around her house. His eyes widened as he looked back at her, staring like a deer caught in headlights. "Oh, right." He brought his free hand to scratch at the back of his neck, an uneasy smile gracing his lips. "I was just, uh, in the area, ya know?"

The blonde barely heard him, her mind still reeling as she looked straight at her secret lover standing in her mind. If Jackal showed up - no, if Natsu saw Jackal. The weed of guilt strangled her heart and she couldn't take in any air. She couldn't make up a lie for that, she didn't want to. She had had enough of the lies, the hiding and the hurt she was feeling, but the two men in her life that were worlds apart in her mind - completely opposite and yet, Natsu was so close to entering into the secret she kept.

She didn't want to hurt him.

Though, Natsu misinterpreted her shaken stare, the man blissfully unaware of her inner turmoil as he tore his gaze to the side, lowering his hands. "Well, not really. I just… really missed ya is all." His cheeks flushed a bright pink that matched the same hue as his disheveled hair, the bangs falling into his green eyes as he laughed. "It's been so long since we hung out so I wanted to do something fun." He brought his gaze back to her, smile beaming at her as the red colour on his cheeks bloomed on his face. "Like eating shitty food and watching movies, maybe?"

"Oh," Lucy's voice was barely above a whisper and she swallowed, trying to free herself of the feeling of her throat closing up. She wanted to say more, but it felt like the thorns of her betrayal were poking holes in her windpipe as words failed her.

She couldn't handle this, having him here. This was too much for her to deal with and it felt as if someone was crushing her chest. The roots of guilt were spreading and Lucy didn't know how much longer she could keep it inside until they finally tore open her skin like paper and exposed their black intricate webs for the world to see.

"Lucy?" Natsu asked, smile falling as his brows furrowed in concern, "Are you ok?" He paused and the blonde looked up, blinking away tears that she didn't even know were clouding her vision. "Did I do somethin' wrong?"

Lucy couldn't help the whimper that left her lips as a pain shot through her chest. She felt like ice, the air stolen from her lungs as she struggled to pull herself together. He shouldn't be consoling her right now. She didn't deserve anything from him - not his sympathy and certainly not his time. Lucy was the one breaking down because of her own mess, because of what she did to him - what she was doing to him. Natsu was always the one to put a smile on her face, he was her sunshine and she was the one who didn't have the guts to pull herself together.

Lucy felt the darkness spill as the cracks started to show as the weed finally managed to scratch through the surface of her skin, a single tear slid down her cheek as one thought stood at the front of her mind.

She was using him.

Her blood ran cold and this time she didn't fight the cry that was torn from her throat, the sound completely raw and guttural as she broke down in front of him. "Di-Did you," she sucked in a breath, "do something wrong?" Lucy couldn't stop herself as her lips curved up into a watery smile, more tears falling. "Why w-would you ever do something wrong?"

Natsu's eyes were blown wide, his mouth parted in shock as his friend started crying. He didn't know when he had upset her. He had never even seen Lucy like this before and he could only stand stock still as she spoke.

"It's me. I-I'm the one who's doing something wrong.. I-" Lucy bit her lip to stop the words from tumbling out. Yet, Natsu didn't make it easy as he took a step towards her.

"Luce," he started, his words cautious but desperate as he reached for her, "What are you talking about?"

Though, Lucy stepped back, her hands coming up to cover her face as she sobbed, the emotions finally spilling over as she couldn't speak anymore. She felt weak, her entire body trembling and soon her knees gave out - too exhausted to hold her body up anymore as she fell. It was too much. The scratches from the roots were turning to cracks and her guilt was overflowing.

Natsu rushed to her side, quickly grabbing onto her waist before her legs could crumble to the ground and he moved her hands from her face.

"Lucy," He called her, "Lucy look at me!" But she shook her head, refusing to open her eyes to meet his gaze as more tears fell down her cheeks. "Please. Ya gotta talk to me, Lucy. I can't do anything unless you tell me what's going on."

He was distraught as he tried to calm her down, his own breath becoming laboured as she fought against him. Yet, Natsu refused to let go as he took hold of her wrists, stopping her from pulling away from him.

"I'm right here, Lucy," He begged. "Please you have to tell me what's happening. I promise that I'll help just-"

Lucy only cried harder. "I-I'm so-sorry," She sobbed, "I'm so… sorry, N-Natsu."

"I don't understand. Just wha-"

The words died in his throat as he looked at her, more pointedly at the ring on her fourth finger. His brows were pinched together, confusion in its purest form written across his face as he stared down at the diamonds.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lucy continued her mantra, unable to utter another word as she fell limp in his arms. She couldn't say anything else, her entire body screaming in pain but feeling all entirely numb at the same time.

Natsu dropped her hands and the blonde pulled them to her chest immediately, letting out a pathetic cry as she sucked in a sharp breath. He was deathly quiet, the only sound between them Lucy's sniffles whilst she curled in on herself.

The evidence was all around them and Natsu couldn't help but tighten his hands into fists as he took everything in. It didn't seem real. The beer bottles scattered on the coffee table, the brand that he _**knew**_ Lucy didn't drink. She had told him herself. She hated it and yet, empty bottles were strewn throughout the living room, a glass bottle even shattered on kitchen floor. He didn't want to believe it, that there was a man's boots set aside near the doorway, a pile of men's clothes folded and stacked on the table ready to be put away after laundry.

He recognised married life well even though he had only just scraped the surface of it when he was younger. Yet, the solidifying evidence that he couldn't deny was situated just to his left, hung lopsided on the wall and covered in a layer of dust - a wedding day picture.

A younger, more youthful Lucy beamed at the camera. Her hair was shorter, chopped just below her collarbone and her brown eyes were full of life as she had an arm of a man who was most definitely the groom beside her.

Natsu felt sick. His insides felt like they had been knotted together and flushed down to his feet and he had to tear his eyes away from the photo before his heart broke from his chest - the muscle pounding so hard the sound filled his ears.

"Natsu…" The sob bubbled up, interrupting her as the tears had already started. "I-I.. I'm sorry!" She sucked in a breath. Her chest felt so tight, so heavy. "I… I d-d-didn't mean for it to… go this far." Her lips were pulled downwards, her cheeks flushed red as she sniffled.

Natsu didn't say a word as she spoke. His eyes were locked onto the ring on her finger and his hands were shaking while he stared. The longer he remained silent, the more desperate she became and the blonde kept the words pouring as the dam finally broke loose. Every single barrier destroyed as the secret she had kept from him was now out in the open - the weed of guilt had broken through and bared its thorns.

"I never wanted to hurt you!" She cried, "Natsu, I promise you-"

"I can't be here anymore.." He whispered, interrupting her. His shoulders were tense and he didn't look up as he turned away from her. Though, the next words had her heart shattering in her chest that caused a new wave of tears to run down her cheeks. "Goodbye, Lucy."

She knew that she should've let him go in that moment, but Lucy couldn't stop herself. She didn't want to say goodbye - she couldn't. Natsu was what grounded her and the words were already spilling from her lips as her feet moved on their own. She wasn't letting him walk away.

"Wait. Please."

Her arms wrapped around him, holding him tighter than she had ever before. She was desperate. If only she could explain herself. If only he would understand. This wasn't like her. She had never meant for this to happen and she -

Lucy didn't want him to disappear. He was all that she had left.

She closed her eyes as she cried into his back, the tears soaking into his shirt as she struggled to control her breathing. "I can't lose you, Natsu….." Her voice was muffled as she spoke. "Just please… Please don't walk away right now."

They were frozen in that moment. Natsu didn't take another step and Lucy kept herself wrapped around him, refusing to loosen her grasp around his torso. However, they both knew that they couldn't stay like this and sooner or later one of them would have to move.

To make a decision.

Lucy's breath caught in her lungs as his hand touched hers, the familiar feeling of his calloused fingers on her skin sending shockwaves through her system. She didn't want to think about what he was doing but she knew that Natsu was, slowly, pulling her arms off of him. He was pushing her away and before he could even turn around the tears were welling up in her brown eyes.

"Stop, Lucy."

She could hear the strain in his voice, his own sadness threatening to break loose. It sent a stab through her heart that made her falter.

"Do you seriously think that I can even bare listening to you?" He ground out through gritted teeth. The words, though quiet and contained, were seething and Lucy's eyes widened. "I can't- I can't do this. I mean, what do you want me to say?" Natsu turned around then, his bloodshot eyes glistening with unshed tears as he looked at her, his expression completely broken. "Or well, what are you going to say?"

His lower lip trembled as he finally looked into her eyes. "It was an accident? You… You just wanted to have some fun, or, or… You were bored. Is that it, huh?" He was exasperated, barely able to draw in enough air as he spoke. "I can't do this, Lucy. I've heard it all once before." His voice cracked and he paused, trying to collect himself as the emotions ran wild between them. Though, he could barely make his voice above a whisper as he closed his eyes, fists shaking by his sides. "I… I can't do it. I can't."

Lucy couldn't move as the anguish on his face cut through her. She wanted to speak, to say something, but when she opened her mouth Natsu cut her off and she bowed her head.

"Don't even bother, Lucy."

He opened his eyes then and the pain was replaced with a cold gaze, the warm green eyes she had been accustomed to were now gone and the blonde had to bite her lip to keep herself in place.

Natsu didn't wait after that. Without another glance, he turned back to the door, pulling on the handle. Though, before he could take the last steps out the door, he sneered. "I hope you got what you wanted at least. Whatever it was."

Lucy's head shot up in that moment, the tears that had pricked her eyes beginning to spill as her frustration pushed a sob passed her lips, Lucy reached out to him. She was vulnerable. Everything had come undone. The severity of her wounds exposed to the world as Natsu ripped off the tattered bandages, and she knew he wouldn't come back after what he had seen. There was too much damage to clean... to unravel and he was already walking out the door before she could explain - to tell him it wasn't her fault.

Except it was.

She was the one that had driven the knife deeper and deeper, tearing through her flesh and opening the wounds to become large and festering. Lucy knew that she should've kept herself inside, continue to weather the storm of her husband as he beat down on her. The cuts were only akin to dirty scrapes then. But instead she had tried to seek shelter and for a fleeting moment that's what it was. Natsu was comfortable, he was an escape from the storm, but she had been careless and as she looked down she saw the blood on her hands as her paper cuts had grown into large, angry gashes.

Jackal had been right. She was dirty and horrible. She was nothing but a stupid little girl. Especially for believing that she had any shelter to begin with.

Her fingers brushed against his arm, slipping before she could grab ahold of him. Yet, Natsu felt a light touch on his skin and he turned around harsly, shrugging her off as the pain flared in his eyes, swirling with anger.

"Don't fucking touch me," Natsu spat. He was breathing heavily, sucking in a large breath as his free hand clenched into a tight fist - struggling with his next words. "Just... stay away from me, Lucy."

She didn't make a move after that, her entire body frozen in place as Natsu finally took his last steps out the door. It slammed shut after him, the bang shaking the frames as the sound resounded throughout the house. Her brown eyes couldn't tear themselves from where he had just stood, her lips parted slightly in a hope to say something, to stop him from walking out.

Yet, Lucy couldn't make a single noise. She felt numb, her mind blank as an eerie calmness settled over the house. It was as if Natsu had never been there at all. The only evidence were the fresh tear streaks down her face and the feeling of a thousand pins and needles stabbing into her heart.

Though, she knew that she could never erase that look on his face from her memories. The angry tears that welled up in his eyes and the complete anguish that took over his usually smiling face. It was something she had never wanted to see - the light in her life that seemed to shine no matter what was now broken.

"Natsu…" Lucy spoke in the empty space, but she knew that he was long gone. "Please… d-don't… don't go."

She fell to her knees, her trembling legs no longer able to hold her as she collapsed on the ground. Her shoulders shook before the first sobs racked through her, bubbling past her lips and echoing into the silence. He was gone and Lucy couldn't stop the tears now, her arms slowly hugging herself as she placed her forehead on the cool floor.

She closed her eyes, her broken voice calling out one last time. "P-Please."

* * *

Everything had been a blur when he had stumbled through his front door. His whole ride home, he had a storm of thoughts clouding his vision, the tears making the road a blurry haze that he quickly had to blink away. His hot breath had fogged the screen of his helmet.

Though, now Natsu felt he couldn't breathe. His chest squeezing tight and suffocating him so that he had to force himself to take large shuddering in takes of breath. He dropped his stuff by the front door, not bothering to look back as the lid popped off of the uneaten takeout and the contents spilled on the floor. There just wasn't enough room in his lungs - there wasn't enough room anywhere. He felt his blood running cold, but he could feel the sweat coating his body.

He couldn't stand it.

She was at the forefront of his mind. Her face when he had opened the door. No matter how many times he shook his head, clenching his fists tight as he tried to concentrate on anything else, she was there.

He wanted to laugh as he paced around his kitchen. He wanted to cry as he opened up cupboards and the fridge door looking for something to distract himself with. He wanted to do both. Yet, he only ran his hand through his hair as he swallowed, trying to take in deep breaths.

Natsu was a mess - he felt like he was drowning in his emotions. Everything rising up in his throat that he was barely choking down. His mind was still racing, what he had _seen_ \- what _she_ had said to him…

He pulled off his t-shirt the article feeling too constricting as his chest heaved, and he made his way to the bathroom. He flicked the light switch, taking large steps to the sink as he quickly turned on the tap - splashing his face with cold water to try and calm himself down.

Yet, it felt pointless. Natsu slamming his hand down on the countertop causing the cupboards to rattle.

"Fuck!" he shouted. "Fuck, fuck, fuck! Fucking hell!" With each curse his voice raised and soon he was screaming at his reflection in his dingy mirror, bloodshot eyes staring back at him as his anger took ahold of him.

It swallowed him up like he was caught in a blaze, the flames burning hot and dark. All his muscles tensed and he had to grit his teeth to stop himself from breaking something. The pain was everywhere and he couldn't make it stop - he didn't know how.

His hands closed into fists and his eyes welled up with fresh tears. "Fu... " Natsu's voice broke, a sob causing his face to screw up as shook his head. "Why.. Why.. I-I… Lucy." He hit his fist down against the cupboard once more, but it lacked all ferocity. There was nothing left in him, the white hot rage turning into inconsolable heartbreak as he began to cry.

Natsu choked down another whimper before he brought his hands up to scrub at his face. He didn't want to cry. He didn't let himself cry when his fiance had left and he wouldn't do it now. It wasn't worth it, he told himself.

They weren't worth it.

Without another thought, he stripped down. He needed to calm down and he needed noise. Natsu pushed back the shower curtain, turning the hot water on to full blast and not waiting for a second before stepping into the onslaught from the old metal above him.

The freezing water grounded him, at least for a moment. Yet, it didn't ease the pain that was pulsing through his chest and soon the water began to steam as the old system finally kicked in.

Hot water was usually comforting to Natsu, reminding him of when he was younger and warm nights he would spend during summer with his father. Though, not even that small pleasure subsiding the constant ache he felt.

Natsu slammed his fist against the tiles, the water scalding his skin but he felt nothing apart from his heart shattering. Each time he closed his eyes all he could see was Lucy's face, the tears that streamed down her cheeks as she broke down in front of him.

After all he had found out that was what hurt the most. Seeing her cry before him even after she had broken his heart and all he had wanted to do was wrap her up in his arms. That was why he knew he had to leave. He was out the door before he could even think and he still turned back to look over his shoulder.

That scared him the most.

His lips parted to let out a curse, yet it didn't come out. Instead he sobbed, his shoulders shaking as angry tears swallowed his vision and mixed with the running water of the shower.

After years of being alone he had finally let someone in. After all this time... he had thought it would be different.

He had been so stupid.

* * *

**A/N: This was very fun to write! Hope you all enjoy :)**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed:  
**_anniegirl13, __mautrino, _screennamesarelame, Ushindeshi, SunsetRika


	6. Chapter 6

TRIGGER WARNINING: heavy abuse, violence, blood, strangulation, swearing, assault, intimate partner sexual assault.

* * *

Her eyes were unfocused as she stared, dazed with tear tracks down her cheeks, at an undetermined point on the wall. She didn't take anything in. Not the amount of time she had been sitting there, or the pins and needles in her legs as they went numb and prickled with pain. She was transfixed, completely sucked into the void of her mind as her physical form simply existed in the space of her bedroom - too exhausted and vulnerable to occupy herself emotionally without suffocating from choking on her own sobs.

Lucy was, in every meaning of the word, broken.

She hadn't slept last night. She only had just managed to pull herself up to her bedroom in the early hours of the morning - trudging with heavy steps as her whole body felt numb. Maybe it was because she had spent too long curled up on the floor, cradling herself as her nails bit down into her skin while she cried. The sobs and screams tearing through her throat till she could barely even utter a single noise, her exhaustion finally taking over.

Or it was simply because the heartbroken woman had finally reached her limit. Lucy was in tatters, and the pain was insufferable. She couldn't handle the damage that had been done - _losing him_. So she had cut the strings in her heart until all she felt was a black hole of nothing.

All she could do was sit as her fingers picked at the fabric of her pants. Nails pulling and scratching as she lost herself to what was happening to her in the present. The only thing grounding her being the constant twisting of her fingers.

It would be best if she got up. She needed to eat something; she hadn't eaten since her lunch break. Yet, Lucy continued to stare at nothing. She should shower, or pick up her book… She should move and live. Except she couldn't find the energy or the will. Her mind told her to keep going, to do what she needed to do, but it was as if the weight of her broken heart had glued her in place.

She had kept herself going for so long and now there was just too much baggage.

_Natsu had _-

Her bloodshot eyes flooded with tears and Lucy's lips curved down as she held in a sob. She pulled up her legs, bringing them into herself as her hands moved to hold them in place. There was no one that she could turn to now.

He had always been her comfort, a solace in her life that gave her fleeting moments of peace that Lucy had clung to. Yet, now that he was gone, there was nothing left. Her battered heart was left abandoned in her own hands and she didn't have someone to help hold it while she tried to put it back together again.

She placed her head on her knees as she swallowed down the lump in her throat. Her nails dug into her skin as she clutched onto herself desperately in an attempt to push the pain that was swelling up inside her chest away. In one moment she had been in a place where she was almost… happy. Lucy hadn't felt that confidence or relief in such a long time and she had really thought that she could start trying to change.

But now she was here - coiled up inside her bedroom and not an ounce of hope left inside her. As soon as Natsu had walked out that door, she felt her whole world fall apart around her.

Lucy blinked, the fresh tears spilling down her cheeks and she sniffled. "What do I do, mum?" Her voice was shaky. "I-I… Everything I do just." She sucked in a breath, pulling her shoulders back as she tried to pull herself together. "It-It just seems so hopeless and I- I'm so… Tired. I'm so tired of making the wrong choices."

The silence that answered her was deafening and Lucy pulled her bottom lip between her teeth to stop it from trembling. The tears kept falling and she pulled her gaze to her lap, tired of staring at a blank wall that only reminded her of how alone she was at this moment.

"What would you do?" She whispered into the empty space before closing her eyes.

Though, the sound of her own heavy breathing answered her plea and Lucy could only hold herself tighter as she tried to stop the pain from consuming her. She gripped the fabric of her pants, throat burning as she held back the urge to scream.

It hurt too much. The pain that was bubbling up inside her like someone had clawed at her insides and pulled out everything that had mattered to her. Rage with simmering just below the surface and yet, she felt as if someone had thrown a wet blanket over the embers.

"I can't fucking do this." Lucy wished more than anything that she could throw a fit, to break something and throw her fists at the wall as she beat away everything that was being thrown at her until her lungs were heaving, shoulders shaking so she could just _feel _something.

She swallowed, throat dry. "I don't want to do this anymore."

Lucy wasn't sure how long she stayed like that - head bowed and curled up on the cold bed she barely felt was her own as she let her static thoughts turn into white noise. It could've been hours or minutes. Her eyes were blurry and the kink in her neck suggested the former as she pulled her head up, piqued from her dissociative state by the sound of a car door closing.

The sound of keys in the front door had her shoulders stiffening. Her eyes locked with the bedroom door as a creek resounded from downstairs and the bang of shoes being scuffed against the mat followed. Lucy felt her heartbeat quicken and her grip tightened as her nails scratched against her pants.

She watched the door with wide eyes, her form stuck in its place as she heard the echo of keys against the bench and a familiar call.

"Lucy?"

The voice sent a prickle up her spine and she sucked in an involuntary gasp. Her chest felt compressed, her legs pulling into herself tighter as she tried to disappear into the bed frame. She felt sick to her stomach as she locked up, staying as still as a board as she listened to the footsteps begin to climb the stairs.

"Lucy? Where are you?" Jackal's voice echoed throughout the hallway and she took a deep breath as she quickly shifted up from her position as she was curled up on the bed. Each sound of a door being pushed opened had her desperately trying to control her breathing to a more calm and collected level. "Baby?"

Her trembling hands wiped at her face, scrubbing at her eyes and as she pressed her fists hard against her skin. Lucy tried her best to stop her legs from bouncing, but the aches from having kept them stiff for so long had her joints desperately telling her to keep them moving.

She jumped as the bedroom door finally opened.

"Hey. What are you still doing in bed? Shouldn't you be up by now?"

He phrased the question as if it was unlike her to be here. Though, they both knew that she spent most of her time cooped up in this room. Isolated and twiddling fingers as she tried to stay out of the way.

"Yeah." Lucy cleared her throat, wrapping her arms around herself. "I guess I'm just tired."

She flicked her eyes up, meeting his gaze that was trained on her. It made her uncomfortable.

Jackal looked refreshed. Much better than what Lucy probably looked like right now. His hair was pushed back - freshly washed. There were no dark circles under his eyes to indicate a restless night of being in a fight with his wife - tossing and turning thinking about how he could lose her. Even his clothes were neat, though they had been the ones he had been wearing when he had left in his fit of anger. Wherever he had gone, it looked as if he was taken care of.

It made Lucy sick to think about. So she didn't.

He didn't reply, only kept his gaze on her, and the silence that stretched between them was suffocating. She pulled her eyes away and then turned them back to him, her hands were pulling at her shirt and she struggled to not continue fidgeting.

She kept thinking he was going to ask. There was no doubt in her mind that her eyes were red, or that he wouldn't notice how messy her hair was. Lucy didn't look ok. It was painfully obvious. She didn't look like she had been to work, or showered - her hands coming up to wipe below her eyes to get rid of any streaks of mascara that might've still been on her face from yesterday. There was nothing she could tell him if he questioned her.

Jackal sighed. His heavy steps thudded against the floor and Lucy stiffened before the bed dipped from his weight at her side. She was uneasy and she struggled to bring her brown eyes up to his, but she knew he was waiting for her.

"Lucy."

She swallowed, gripping her sides tighter as she looked up. He offered a smile before reaching for her. His hand inched closer to her face and Lucy screwed her eyes shut, but there wasn't a harsh impact. Only warm fingers cupping her cheek and pulling her to look at him - to keep her eyes on him.

His lips dropped down into a frown. "Look at me," He demanded. "I know you're upset, but please don't be like this, Lucy."

She opened her eyes and stared. She fought the urge to pull away, her lower lip beginning to wobble as she continued to look at him. He thought this was about him? That these tears were for him? Lucy had sworn off crying for him long ago.

He dropped his hand before pulling at her arms that were wrapped around her stomach and she didn't fight as he sought after her own hand. Jackal laced their fingers together and his thumb rubbed small circles on her wrist.

"I'm not mad at you." He laughed lightly, a soft chuckle that didn't reach his eyes before his smile returned. "So, cheer up, okay?" His knee touched hers and his body leaned in closer to her personal space.

Lucy kept her eyes on the wall behind him, far off as the words bounced around in her head. She didn't move away or pull her hand from his. There was only one image at the forefront of her mind - Natsu walking away from her. She wasn't upset with him. He didn't need to waste his time on her, but she said nothing. There wasn't any energy left in her to talk or tell him that she was fine.

That it was okay.

Jackal rolled his eyes at her lack of response. His smile dropped again before he exhaled another breath. "I mean, I was upset when I left," he murmured, brows softening as he looked dejected. "I had been planning that dinner for months, Lucy. I just - I really hoped that you would make time for me." He squeezed her hand. "For once."

Lucy pursed her lips then as her eyes flickered to his face in surprise. "You… What dinner?"

"Lucy." His tone forced her mouth shut as his eyes darkened, lips pulling back into snarl as he said her name. His grip on her hand was beginning to hurt.

"I'm sorry, Jackal…" She whispered. "I… I'm sorry."

There was another sigh and Jackal pulled his hand from hers to rub his temples. "I know you are." He took in a deep breath and Lucy used the moment to move her eyes to the ground away from his face. "I forgive you, Lucy. I just hope you can think about me for a change next time."

Jackal dropped his hands and to his lap before turning to her. His face was inches away from hers and his eyes drifted along her form before he pressed his lips against her cheek. "I love you. More than anything."

Lucy remained stiff, barely feeling the touch against her skin as she willed herself not to cry.

"Hey." He nudged her roughly. "I said I love you."

She turned her face back to him and her throat constricted. The words that Jackal wanted from her were lodged, caught behind her tongue and unwilling to spill. Lucy couldn't bring herself to tell him she loved him too. She didn't. Not anymore.

But he was waiting for her, green eyes dangerous as he stared straight through her.

The blonde forced a smile. It felt like pulling teeth but she managed to twitch up the corners of her lips as she took in a shaky breath. "Y-You too."

Before he could form a response she closed the distance that he had created between them and pushed her mouth against his. It was a weak kiss, if one could call it that. She barely moved her lips as she touched them with his. It was an attempt to prove to him of her honesty. If she could do better and make him happy then he would leave her be, but her nails were biting down into her palms as she struggled to keep herself beside him.

She felt pathetic.

Lucy barely pulled away before he grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back to him. Jackal was forceful as he kissed her again and again. He wanted her to touch him and he was roughly grabbing her tightened fist to place it on his chest as he closed the distance between their bodies.

It wasn't like when Natsu kissed her. Jackal was demanding as he attacked her with his lips, forcing her to match his intimacy while aggressively moulding his mouth against hers. Natsu was always patient, always soft as he would steal a peck and then grin up at her like he had just taken a sweet from a jar that he wasn't allowed to have yet.

He would never grab her like this, with fingers gripping so hard into her skin that it felt as if Jackal's grasp would leave bruises. Lucy felt like a ragdoll in her husband's hands as he tried to push her against the bed. He didn't care about how she was handled, all his aggression coming through even when he was supposedly trying to make love to her.

She steadied her hands on his chest as his large ones found themselves at the bottom of her spine. The tears finally fell again and she had to choke down a sob as he moved his tongue past her lips.

This was wrong. Every bit of contact between them felt stale and disgusting. What was happening between them was a lie, creating a fantasy of thoughts and hope of a love that just wasn't there anymore - if it had even been lit to begin with. They were pretending, but she couldn't play house anymore.

Lucy whimpered as he moved to her jaw, pushing her long hair to the side as he continued to kiss down to her neck. She closed her eyes, wishing that she was anywhere but here - silently praying that Jackal would pull away and leave her to wallow in her own self pity.

He wasn't what she wanted.

Stuck in the recesses of her mind, she didn't notice that he had paused with his assault on her body until she heard her name being hissed through clenched teeth.

"Lucy." His breathing was heavy and his grip on her, if not bruising before, was now definitely going to leave marks. "What the fuck... is this?"

She pulled against him, but he shook her as she struggled.

"Let go of me, Jackal." Her voice was strained as she tried not to scream. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Please let go… You're hurting me!"

He was furious, hazel gaze burning holes into her as she finally locked eyes with him. His hand grabbed hold of her face.

"Don't fucking lie to me."

Lucy sobbed. "Please. Please. Please, Jackal. I-"

"I fucking knew it," he screamed, "You're a fucking whore." He pushed her back and Lucy's head met the frame of their bed. "Who was it? Who? Who fucking gave it to you, huh?"

"Stop! Jackal, I don't know what you're talking about." Lucy cried, "Please let me go."

Jackal pushed himself against her, forcing her into the bed as his dirty blonde hair fell into his eyes. "Bullshit." He slipped his hand into her blonde hair. "Who gave you that hickey? You're cheating on me?"

Her eyes widened, heart beating a mile a minute as he stared at her with a boiling glare. Lucy's throat went dry.

"I-"

There was nothing she could say and her eyes watered. She was completely frozen in place as her breathing became erratic. She was panicking.

"Jackal-"

"I fucking knew you were fucking someone else." His voice was rising in pitch, rage possessing him as his face went red. "Sneaking behind my back?" Jackal shouted and fisted her hair in his hair. "After everything I've done for you? You fucking cunt!"

He yanked her hair and Lucy yelped, trying to fight him off as he began climbing on top of her. Her hands met his chest as his weight began to crush her, his other hand was grabbing for her shirt and tearing at the fabric.

Lucy could hardly breathe, brown eyes full of tears.

"Stop, stop, stop." She was screaming. "Get off of me. Please. Stop!"

He grit his teeth, nose to nose with her as she writhed underneath him. "Think you can sleep around and fuck other men?" He was spitting in her face. "You're a good for nothing slut!"

Her top ripped to the base of her breast and he reached for the waistband of her pants. Lucy cried out, feeling his hand brush against her exposed stomach and she ripped her head away from the hold on her hair as she thrashed around. Her forehead bashed against his face, a crack resounded above the shouting and Jackal recoiled.

"Fucking hell."

His hand left her skin to clutch onto his nose. She pushed him, legs kicking as her hands used his moment of shock to get him off of her. Though, his hand gripped tighter into her hair, and as Lucy rolled to the side she was stopped as his fingers pulled on her blonde locks.

"Don't think you're getting away with that," he shouted, wiping at his bloody nose that was streaming red liquid down his face, staining his teeth.

Lucy cried. "Let go of me! Let go!"

She continued to pull, ripping her hair out as she moved further and further off the bed, but Jackal kept fisting more into his grasp. The tears were streaming down her face and she turned back to face her husband.

"I said let go of me."

Lucy didn't think as she grabbed the picture frame on the bedside table, her hand simply searching for the closest object she could reach in order to get away from him. She changed direction, falling back into Jackal and loosening the tight hold on her hair as she struck him with the wooden frame. It connected with his head and Jackal howled in surprise, mixed with a strangled cry of pain. He let go, using his arms to shield himself from another assault but Lucy was already scrambling off the bed.

She didn't waste another moment before she ran out of the bedroom.

"Lucy!"

He screamed her name, but she didn't look back. Her trembling hands slamming the door as her brown eyes flicked to the sides of the hallway. There was too much furniture crowding the small space to be quick, he would beat down the bathroom door, no where in the house was safe.

Lucy had to run. Far away.

She was frantic, feet bouncing as she desperately tried to think of where to go - what to do. She couldn't out run him. Lucy had tried before and Jackal always caught her.

It felt like hours as she stood there, but the slam of his heavy body landing on the wood floors had her rearing to go again. She jumped, pulling herself to the deadend of the hallway as she grabbed the corners of the small sideboard. It was her favourite, bought second hand when they had first moved in and stacked with ornaments and fake flowers in vases. She scratched the metal legs along the floor, pushing the wooden table in front of the door to block Jackal.

The door opened, smashing into the back of the sideboard and cracking the timber. It slid forward.

"You're fucking dead! You hear me? You're dead," Jackal screamed through the small opening, voice echoing into the hall as he locked eyes with Lucy. "And your boyfriend too." He smiled, a laugh bubbling up as he thrust open the door again, the sound of metal scuffing the floor reaching Lucy's ears. "I'll send him your fucking head, Slut."

"You're insane, Jackal!" She cried, but he didn't listen - only continuing to smash the door into the sideboard and get out of the bedroom. She couldn't waste a moment, spinning on her heel, she ran for the stairway. Glass shattered, one of the vases finally knocked to the floor as Jackal used all of his body to send the table away from the entrance.

Once, twice - the wood snapped, he pushed through.

Lucy bounded down the stairs, the echo of his heavy footsteps coming not far behind her as her lungs heaved.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

His voice boomed inside her head and her foot slipped on the edge of a step. She squeezed her eyes shut, her knees taking the brunt of the fall before she tumbled the rest of the way down the staircase. Her arms came into herself as her head landed with a smack on the floor and she had to blink before the furniture around her finally came back into focus. There was a sharp pain in her side, but that was nothing to the pounding in her head. Lucy's ears rang, her breathing quickening as she scrambled to stand up.

"Ah," She screamed out in pain as she fell back down onto her shaking arms, blinking as tears welled up in her brown eyes before she grit her teeth. "Fuck."

Her heart was pounding in her chest as her ankle buckled beneath her and she felt something wet begin to drip down her face. Blood. She pushed up again, but her foot throbbed, searing pain burning around the ankle as it snapped taut and Lucy fell back down again.

Jackal was shouting, half way down the steps. "Don't think you can run away from me! I'm going to teach you a lesson you're _never_ going to forget." He hissed the last words and she felt her stomach drop, a cold sweat breaking out on the nape of her neck.

Lucy didn't waste time. She bit down on her lip, using every ounce of strength she could muster as she forced herself back on her feet. A groan tore from her throat, but she only reached for the wall, pulling herself forward to the kitchen as she desperately ran from her husband.

She hobbled quickly, her hands reaching for the bench with knuckles turning white as she grit her teeth together. The pain was hot, searing up her calf and making her knees wobble as she tried to keep herself moving.

"Jesus Christ," Lucy breathed, fresh tears building up in the corners of her eyes as she struggled to push through the pain. She had to move, to run. Her brown eyes were locked onto her bag on the island bench. She just had to get a little further to grab her keys and -

"There you are." Jackal's breathing was heavy, his shoulder shaking as he stared at her from the bottom of the stairs. "Get the fuck over here. Now, Lucy."

"No." She stumbled back, pressing her body to the bench. "I'm not… I'm not staying here anymore, Jackal!" Her lower lip wobbled, struggling to get the words out as sobs racked her body. "I- I'm leaving."

He pressed forward, brows pulled in as he snarled. Lucy flicked her eyes to him and then to the side before she jumped. Jackal lunged when she moved, fingers grazing her arm before she was just out of reach.

"Stop fucking around!" He yelled, turning his dark gaze on her, but she had already beat him to it. Lucy stood in front of him on shaking legs, her hands holding a thick blade from the knife block.

"S-stay away from me, Jackall!" Lucy sobbed, wrapping her trembling hands tighter around the hilt as she brandished the kitchen knife, thrusting it into the space in front of her. "I-I'm warning you."

Jackal laughed, the sound manic. "What do you think you're going to do with that?" He stepped closer to her, not even blinking at the sharp edge that was pointed towards him. "Do you really think," His gaze turned threatening and Lucy swallowed as her heart nearly pounded out of her chest. "That you… Could ever hurt me?"

She trembled, hands unsteady as she tried to keep the knife pointed at him. Her brown eyes were blown wide, complete fear etched into her face as her knees buckled.

"I'll admit it. You got lucky before." He wiped the blood from his nose. "But I know you, Lucy. Put the knife down. We both know you don't have the guts." He tightened his hands into fists. "I mean really? Are you really going to stab your husband?"

Tears fell down her cheeks. "I won't… I won't let you hurt me anymore!"

"Hurt you?" Jackal scoffed. "Lucy, I've never done anything to you. Every single day I am just trying to make this marriage work!" He looked upset, his lips tugging downwards as he spoke. "It was you who went and slept with someone else! You're the one who has broken my heart!"

She shook her head. "No!" A sob left her. "You're a liar. You are always hurting me! You think I wanted to do that to you? For years you have treated me like shit." She was yelling at him, her pain burning through her chest as she finally found her voice. "Jackal, y-you constantly embarrass me and call me names! You have-"

"Shut up!" He growled and stepped closer to her. "Just shut the fuck up!"

"I won't!" She screamed, eyes closing as she held up the knife. "You've made my life hell!" Lucy struggled to catch her breath. "I-I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry." She reopened her eyes, taking in a sharp breath as she locked her gaze with his. "I… I loved you, Jackal. I-"

"Shut up!" He roared, grabbing her hands and pushing the knife away from him. He was up in her face, eyes blazing as he tightened his grip around her wrist. "You've never once supported me."

"I always believed in you!" Lucy yelled. "I was there for everything. Even when your uncle tossed you-"

The air was knocked from her lungs as Lucy was sent back. Her spine landed with a thud against the floor, all breath leaving her chest as Jackal threw her to the floor. The knife clattered to the floor, no longer in her grasp as she struggled to catch her breath. She brought her hands to the bust, curling in on herself and gasping against the floor as pain spread throughout her body.

Her head was snapped to the side a second later. Jackal's foot met her chin, kicking her in the head and sending Lucy's arms up as she desperately tried to defend herself. Her ears rang, his screaming muffled as she blinked over again to regain her senses. She could feel something wet at the side of her head as it soaked into her hair and leaked onto the floor.

Lucy tried to breathe in deeply. Her tears had dried up and her hands were covering her face as she still tried to escape his assault. She could feel her heart racing, the back of her head throbbing in time with the muscle beating wildly in her chest. It was painful. Though, everything was painful.

She felt disoriented. The world spinning as her brown eyes desperately tried to focus.

He kicked her in her side and Lucy gasped, body stiffening as spiderweb shockwaves of agony were sent through her side. Something akin to the sound of cracking bones reaching her ears, but she didn't have the strength to pay much mind to it.

The gasp disrupted her breathing and her lungs burned as she quickly tried to take in more air. It hurt to breathe. Yet, he was still shouting at her.

"Look at what you've done to us, Lucy! Look!" He bent his knee, bringing himself closer to the ground. "You've made me do this. Just because you couldn't be a good fucking bitch and love me."

He grabbed her hair pulling her up from her own blood that had made a small puddle on the floor. She looked up at him through bleary eyes. She could hardly hear him, her only focus was to continue trying to pull herself away from him as her small hands came up to weakly push against his arm.

Jackal laughed dryly, his eyes watery as he stared down at her. "You're such a fucking cunt." Though, his face shifted into rage, lips pulling down into a sneer as he began to climb on top of her.

He grabbed both her wrists, pinning her to the ground. Lucy struggled to fight, her body writhing beneath him as she desperately tried to get him off of her.

"J-Jack… Jackal," She gasped. "Please. Pl… Please stop."

He shook his head. "You did this, Lucy. You deserve this." Jackal bared his teeth at her, the veins in his neck taut as he glared. "Did you enjoy it? Fucking him? You fucking skank." He was furious, shouting as he settled his weight on her body. "I hate you!"

Jackal's hands wrapped around her throat. His grip was strong and tight, fingers digging into her neck as his palms pushed down on her windpipe.

"I fucking hate you," he spat and he squeezed even tighter. "This is all you're fucking fault!"

"Plea-" Lucy felt herself choke as the air vanished from her lungs. She couldn't get anything else out and her hands reached up, nails digging into his forearms as her mind began to panic.

He didn't pull away. Even when she managed to draw blood. He just continued to squeeze as Lucy looked up through watery eyes as he scowled at her. His gaze was angry, eyes red as a vein began to protrude out of his forehead and he gritted his teeth so tight that spit had started to froth at the corners of his mouth whilst he breathed erratically.

He reminded her of an animal that had lost control - of a person that had lost themselves. He looked nothing like the man, the boy, that she had met all those years ago. This Jackal, who was on top of her and choking the life out of her, was someone that had succumbed to their demons a long time ago. His eyes, though the same bright hazel, were bloodshot and blinded by anger.

She remembered when she had adored those eyes. How they would look at her and she felt her chest swell as she would think about how much she loved him. He was her first love. The only love that Lucy had ever felt for someone else.

All she had wanted was for this to work - for this to be the beautiful romance where high school sweethearts never drifted apart. She had tried so hard for that dream and now her lungs were swelling from the urge to breathe as he crushed her throat.

There was a fire starting in her chest, her tongue beginning to feel heavy and large in her mouth as her hands continued to pull at his hands. She tasted something sour, as if the fire was pouring smoke into her mouth and out her nose but Lucy still couldn't breathe. All she could muster was gurgled noises as she tried to take in air, her chest feeling like it was about to explode from the pressure as the fire raged in her lungs.

Jackal growled as the tears that had welled up in her eyes began to drip down her cheeks. "You did this to me! You!" He shook her with every word as he dropped his weight onto her stomach. "Just a fucking bitch! Stupid bitch, bitch, **bitch**!"

He smacked her head down on the wood as hard as he could and Lucy felt her eyes knock inside her head as her vision blurred. She could barely hear him anymore, the words muffled as his figure turned hazy. Yet, she could still make out the movement of his mouth and she knew that he was still screaming. That this was all her fault.

Her hands fell limp at her sides.

Lucy wanted nothing more than to close her eyes. They smouldered in the back of her head. It felt like they were about to pop out of her skull. Though, it wasn't just the pain that had her wanting to escape. She didn't want to look at him anymore.

At this moment, she knew she was going to die. Black dots were beginning to spot in her vision and his face became obscured in front of her. The only noise she could make was small whimpers, gargled and lodged beneath his hand that continued to push against her trachea.

It left a bitter taste in her mouth - whether that was the acid beginning to flood her mouth or that she was here, underneath the man that had made her so miserable, so unbelievably unhappy that she felt like she was nothing. Jackal had taken her away from everything she loved and she had lost everything because of him that Lucy still continued to grieve.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair that he had sucked her into his own mess that he couldn't control, and it wasn't fair that somewhere inside her - she still cared for him. Her fingers twitched against the ground as she began to fumble around her, scratching the wood flaws that splintered beneath her nails. Her hands flexed as she desperately felt for anything that could be within reach. Her heart was beating rapidly against her ribcage, so fast and hard that it might break the bones that contained it. Spit was beginning to dribble down her chin and she scraped fingertips against cold metal.

She didn't want to die here. Not like this. **Never **like this.

Lucy struggled beneath him, thrashing her legs and she desperately grabbed for the object that was a hair's width away. Her skin grazed over a sharp blade, spinning it around the floor as it found her grasp. She couldn't think, the lightheadedness making her dizzy as she quickly curled her fingers around the metal, bringing it close to herself like a lifeline.

The panicked blonde sliced her hand down the edge, a warm liquid pooling in her palm as she grabbed onto a rough surface. Without another thought she thrust her arm upwards. Lucy willed every bit of strength she had into her arm, her lungs screaming while a pounding in her head began to threaten to lull her into unconsciousness.

"What the fuck!" Jackal howled, his hands pulling away from around her neck as the kitchen knife that had previously been knocked from Lucy's hands was now sunk deep into his shoulder. He recoiled instantly, pulling back and giving the woman under him room to twist and turn until she was out from beneath him.

Her chest was heaving, scorched throat gulping down air too fast for her to keep up as the whole world spun around her. She coughed, hacking up flem that formed a puddle on the floor as she rolled onto her chest and struggled to breathe - each intake of air raspy and followed by a shaky exhale. Through the ringing of her ears, all she could hear was him, though not like when he had been spitting in her face and berating her with his cruel words - Jackal was screaming out in pain.

All she wanted to do was collapse, her limbs shaking as her mind desperately pulled at straws to keep up with where her body was, but she kept pushing. Lucy needed to run. Her bare feet were slipping against the wood and her head kept dropping back to the cool ground, but there was the fear that had seized her entire body. Adrenaline was coursing through her veins and kept her moving as her bloody hands were placed flat to push up her trembling body.

Her legs buckled once, twice, before she could manage to hold herself up. She couldn't raise herself to her full height, new aches and pains already making themselves known as they flared up causing Lucy to hiss through gritted teeth. She limped pathetically, dragging her ankle that thobbed with every step.

"Argh," Jackal growled from where he was positioned on the floor. The knife was still lodged into his shoulder and he had blood dripping from his lip and smearing his teeth, his nose bent at an angle still bleeding. "Where… Where are you?" His hand tightened around his arm as he sucked in a sharp breath. "Don't you dare leave me like this."

"Lucy." His voice cut through the tense atmosphere of the house, demanding and searing with hate as she continued to stumble to the door.

Though, she could hardly hear him over her heavy breathing. She clutched at her side, head bobbing as red liquid marred her clothes. Lucy almost hesitated when she reached the front door, her eyes flicking back as Jackal sat on the floor trying to coax the knife out of his flesh as he cried out in pain.

She let her gaze stay trained on him for a moment - her husband. The blood had stained the whole right side of his shirt, continuing to ooze into the fabric as he took deep breaths. He looked defeated, and somewhere Lucy thought to help him. Yet, she couldn't do that anymore.

Jackal sucked in a breath of air, struggling to get to his feet. "I'm…. I'm not letting you leave," he sneered. His hand gripped onto the hilt of the knife, wincing and gritting his teeth as he struggled to pull out the blade. It clattered to the ground and alongside it so did Jackal, dropping to his knees before he pulled himself to the floor to groan in pain.

Lucy opened her mouth to say something, but the words wouldn't come out. Instead she turned, pulling open the door. Jackal yelled after her, his shouts echoing in the quiet neighbourhood before she let the front door close shut.

It was night time, and although, she had no idea what the time was as she started walking, grimacing with every step. She had left everything in the house - her phone, car keys, all her memories. It was cold. The chill of the air ghosting across her exposed skin and she desperately tried to pull her torn shirt closed to keep in what little warmth she had.

The tears were gathering in her eyes, quiet sobs spilling from her lips. She didn't know where she was going, her heart taking her along the pathway of streets that she vaguely recognised. Her whole body ached, her throat tender and searing every time she swallowed. Lucy wanted to go home, but she didn't know where home was anymore.

Her head tilted up to the sky. Brown eyes staring up at the stars as the tears dripped from her chin, tinted red from the cut on her forehead and her busted lip. She walked on and on, her mind blank as she kept her gaze on the sky. It was the only comfort she had all alone on the street. The moon had hidden itself, only a sliver of its light visible from its crescent peek in the sky, and so she had to rely on the stars to help guide her as she continued to walk in the darkness.

Lucy didn't know how long it had taken her before she stopped. She screwed her eyes shut before opening them again, eyes bleary from exhaustion. Yet, she didn't question where she had ended up. Using only her last bit of strength to place a trembling hand on the railing, she pulled herself up onto the verandah and in front of a shabby looking welcome sign that had her raising an eyebrow the first time she saw it.

She let out a shaky breath, blinking away tears as she knocked.

* * *

Hope you guys enjoyed this! Also I would like to give a shoutout to mushi9 because she is amazing! Please read all her work cause it is all masterpieces. Take it from an avid fan ;)

Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter!

_sevenlaila, Lodemai04, FlameDragonHime, CelestialDreamer15, mushi9, Stavroula99, Guest,_

_mautrino, Lisa Lisa isa (guest), Lady Of The Sphinx and screennamesarelame_

~Doginshoe


	7. Chapter 7

**No tw this chapter. Happy one year anniversary for wydtmt!**

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_11:57pm._

Natsu was tired. He had barely slept, only nodding off on the couch for an hour the night prior until he had so graciously woken up after he had tumbled to the floor. He had sworn something very colourful and loud as he cradled his head and readjusted himself on the sofa. It wasn't the worst way he had woken up, but it had certainly left him in a sour mood that wasn't helped by how worn out he felt.

It was his own fault for not sleeping, he had spent the majority of the evening lighting up cigarette after cigarette and pouring glasses of scotch on the rocks. Natsu didn't usually smoke inside the house unless he was lazy and had cracked a window open, his own personal rule alongside not smoking in front of kids, the elderly or pregnant women. Yet, he made an exception that he had paid for in the morning when he had to leave all his windows open to let the house air out from the smell that had become trapped inside.

He just hadn't wanted to go out on his porch, or anywhere really, and he had to tap into bad habits that he didn't think he would have been going back to anytime soon. Though, Natsu had to admit that he was still awesome at getting so fucked that everything melted away.

It had been a long day to say the least and yet, he couldn't seem to find it in him to close his eyes as he stared up at his cracked ceiling. He'd resigned himself back to his small couch, sinking into the old cushions as his feet hung off the arm rest. His stomach felt twisted and no matter how he moved, he couldn't get comfortable, but there was no way that he was going to sleep in his own bed - the sheets still smelled like _her_ after all.

He blamed that on how much perfume she always wore - his nose twitching as he grimaced at the thought of it. Her neck was always saturated in a spray of something sweet and floral, combined with a fruity lip gloss and a strawberry shampoo that lingered in her blonde hair. It had soaked into his pillow and the left side of his bed that had become a reserved spot for her.

It shouldn't have been. It was just meant to be casual sex, but he had fucked that rule up. He wasn't meant to have become so attached. He wasn't attached. It wasn't anything more than a long term hookup. He knew that and yet-

Natsu sat up, scrubbing at his eyes as he sighed. He wasn't meant to be thinking about her, he scolded himself.

There was a kink in his neck and he rolled his shoulders to ease the build of tension caught in his back. He had worked a double shift at the bar. Not that he was meant to be in today, but he needed the distraction as he swapped hours with Elfman. At least to stop him from reaching for his cigarettes again and again. Though Gray had sent him home before close with a pat on his back, dark brooding eyes filled with a hint of concern as he offered him the only advice that he probably knew in a situation like this.

"You need to rest."

The underlying words rang out in Natsu's head as his friend kept his hand on him for a moment longer.

"_Forget about her."_

Natsu reached for the pack on the coffee table, fingers flicking open the cardboard box to find it empty. It was just his luck that he had run out, the need to suck on nicotine causing his eyebrow to twitch as the stress continued to build. He threw it, the cigarette packet not going far as it settled on the floor. His hands tangled through his pink hair, making it stick up in all directions, until finally he dropped his shoulders.

He let out a groan. "Fuck this."

He stood, grabbing onto a water bottle as he settled to sleep in his own bed - even if he had to ditch the sheets for the night. Natsu didn't really care either way since he usually slept on top of the blankets, or only used the thin sheet. It crossed his mind to hit up the twenty four hour service station for a new pack, but he needed to get some rest. Not to mention that he was supposed to be quitting, but he had made that promise before.

Natsu was just about to turn off the lamp, fingers cradling the switch, when he heard it.

The tap at the door was soft, hitting once before pausing and then a slightly louder rap on the wood. He left the lamp on, the only light managing to give enough visibility in his small living area as he let out another sigh, beginning to walk towards the door and called out to whoever was on the other side.

"Who is it?"

Natsu took a quick chug of his water before leaving the rest on the kitchen bench. There was an annoying irk in his stomach that told him it was probably Gray, the bastard swinging by after work to do some one on one comforting bullshit that involved drinking. He was already coming up with an excuse. Natsu wasn't bothered and he didn't need 'alcohol therapy.' Not when he had already given himself a good dose the night before. The thought of it already leaving an off taste in his mouth, or maybe that was the withdrawal from his smokes. He shrugged it off, nearly halfway to the door when he heard it.

There was a soft whimper followed by sniffles and a shaky exhale, "N-Natsu.." He froze, tensing as he recognised the weak voice through the door that he would've missed if it weren't for his sensitive hearing. Not that his mind was letting him forget just who it belonged to, or how it sounded when it was breaking. "It's me... It… I-It's Lucy."

She was here.

He opened his mouth to speak, but he swallowed his tongue instead as his legs felt like jelly and he leaned back to catch himself on the couch. It felt as though he had been knocked back, chest light as the air seemed to leave him all at once. His stomach was twisting itself in knots, binding itself together and sinking to the floor as a wave of nerves washed over him. If he thought before that he could go without a drag tonight, then Natsu was dead wrong now.

He wanted to puke. No, that was an understatement - what he wanted to do was rip his front door off its hinges so he could see her and scream or cry, maybe both? Natsu wasn't really sure anymore. He felt suffocated like there wasn't enough room in the house, which was ridiculous considering the little furniture he kept around. There wasn't enough space for him to think and his knuckles were turning white as he gripped onto the couch.

"...N-Natsu?"

There it was again, her raspy voice calling him and Natsu brought a hand to his face, fist rubbing at his eyes as he tried to pull himself together to begin getting a reply out. It sounded like she was struggling to breathe, her whispers through the door even straining his ears and it hurt. His heart felt like it was breaking as it thumped against his ribs and there was the urge to forget what he had learned the last time he saw her - to let her in.

"Please… C-Could you… open the door." Lucy wobbled slightly. Her breathing was heavy, barely keeping herself standing. The exhaustion was beginning to wash over her now that she was here and she was struggling to form words and her shoulders slumped. She felt cold, the beginnings of aches and pains spreading across her body as she shivered, but she continued to try her best to speak - to reach him. It was the only thing her brain was telling her to do.

Safety.

Natsu swallowed, taking in a breath before he readjusted himself. "Lucy I-" He hated how strained he sounded, just barely holding it together. Natsu couldn't stand it. He cleared his throat as he started again, pulling himself up but not letting go of the couch. "I… I can't do that." He took a deep breath. "Lucy, you shouldn't be here."

She winced, bottom lip wobbling as she struggled to keep it together. "I… I have nowhere else to go." She gasped for breath, taking a long pause that shouldn't have been there, before Lucy was reaching out to him again. "P-Please."

He bit back a groan, feeling his emotions at war in his mind. There was too much weight on his shoulders and he didn't feel like doing this right now. Natsu was exhausted and as much as the pathetic side of him soared at the thought that she had showed up here to… Well he didn't know, but if he knew Lucy at all then he was sure that there was an apology waiting at the tip of her tongue as soon as he opened that door.

She was too soft for her own good. Natsu sneered, even if she had been a homewrecking bitch.

Natsu cleared his throat. "You can go home, Lucy. Come on, it's late and we aren't gonna do this tonight. Not any night." His dark eyes found the floor, his chest burning as he tightened his hand into a fist. "Not... Not ever."

"Natsu," She was pleading with him, "I- I can't. Please!" The blonde stumbled forward, biting back the feeling of dread wrapping around her heart and pooling in her gut. "I… I know how I-" Lucy sucked in a breath. "I n-need you now."

"Please." He turned to the door as he pulled himself away from the couch, the thought that she was so close making his head feel fuzzy as he pushed past her words that he knew he couldn't dwell on. "Ya know that we can't do this. I-" Natsu bit his lip, cursing underneath his breath as he walked to the door. She was right behind such a flimsy piece of wood, which he knew because he had broken the damn thing too many times to count. It just wasn't fair that if he opened it then he would be face to face with her again, the tears probably fucking with his heart just like they had the first time. Natsu couldn't do that.

He pressed his forehead against the wood. It was cool on his skin and he allowed himself to take in a much needed breath before he spoke again, his voice low. "I'm going to sleep, Lucy. Please… Just leave."

"But there's…" She hiccuped, more tears gathering in her eyes as he continued to turn her away. There was no way she could go anywhere else. He was the last place that she could turn to. "T-There's nowhere else that I-"

"Lucy, I'm begging you."

He couldn't do this.

"N-Natsu, please... listen to me!"

She was desperate.

Natsu sighed. "You don't have to say anything to me, Lucy. You don't have to tell me you're sorry." He paused. "I get it. There's nothing left for us to talk about, okay?"

His chest felt empty as he admitted it outloud, voice hollow of all emotion. It hurt. It hurt knowing that this was happening all over again. Natsu didn't want to believe it. He had let himself slip again, to trust and now look where he got himself. He was too tired to waste any more energy on something that just wasn't for him. He wasn't meant for love.

Lucy wrapped her arms tighter around herself. His words were like a knife driven in her chest, but she knew she deserved it. She deserved a lot of things. Lucy didn't even know why she was here, why she had come to someone that didn't deserve this. Yet, her feet stayed planted in place and the tears stung at her eyes as she swallowed down a strained cry.

"I know that. I-I do." She whimpered. "I… I never meant for this to happen." Lucy sucked in another breath, cooling the rawness of her throat. "But I wouldn't be here if I didn't need to be."

"Lucy," he warned, fists tightening by his side.

"You… You said I could tell you anything. So p-please." Her heart poured everything into her words, voice cracking as she looked at the wood, wishing that she was looking into his eyes instead. "Let me."

Natsu steeled himself. Her jab was low and he knew it. Though, he couldn't help the sinking in his gut or how he felt his throat constrict. He was never good with emotions and he hated the feelings that were washing over him now. It was difficult to understand, even harder for him to feel - the betrayal of a spark that was quickly dampened by the overwhelming rains of mistrust. As much as part of him wanted to hope and to give second chances. Especially for her. Lucy had been the touch of calmness to the raging inferno inside him. He hadn't felt that kind of way in a long time and yet… He knew the answer he had to give her.

"No."

The word felt thick on his tongue, barely pushing it past as his eyes became wet, but he meant it. He did. Even though his heart was breaking, the weight crushing onto his chest as he stilled - becoming frozen in place against the door.

"I... " Lucy struggled to breathe, the world stopping around her. It was a simple answer, yet it caused an immeasurable amount of panic that washed over her. Her nails bit down into the flesh of her arms and her lips curled downwards as the tears started. The same pain of when he had walked away from her was filling her up, coiling around each part of her body as she threatened to fall to the ground.

As soon as the first sob left her lips, she could no longer stop.

He had to close his eyes when he heard the sharp intake of breath, the muffled cry that seemed to be torn from her throat before she coughed. Yet, it was strained and guttural before she choked, her tears finally spilling over and Natsu used everything he had to tear himself away from the door.

He barely took two steps before he turned back, pulling in his bottom lip. He didn't know what the hell he was doing. This was the right choice, he felt it in his gut, but why did it send a shooting pain through him? Why couldn't he walk away? He threw his hands into the air, before they pulled tightly at his pink locks and the sound of her breathing becoming erratic on the other side of the door was only pushing him to do something stupid.

He knew that he hurt her, but she would get over it. Natsu knew she would. She would go home, curl up into her husband's side and be happy whilst he kept himself here. Alone. That was just how it was, even though the thought had his blood boiling and made it hard for him to breathe. This was what he had to do.

Ending it here was good for the both of them.

"I really… I-I," She sobbed, taking in short shuddering breaths that shook her shoulders. "I can't go back. I w-won't, please." Lucy's voice was getting louder as she continued to speak, words a rambling mess. "You do-don't… un… understand. He… Natsu. I can't go back to him. There's nothing left! Please."

He grit his teeth, grinding them together. The image of her face, when he had walked out on her, was at the forefront of his mind. Though, it never really left. The way she had looked, it made him restless and Natsu had been doing everything he could to stop feeling the guilt that was eating at him, the care, the need to be there for her. He wasn't meant to care. This was entirely bullshit. Lucy was…

"I… I'm so sorry. I-I had no…" She sobbed, "Where else to go. And-"

Her tears grated on his will. Listening to her strained sobs was torture and he begged himself to move. He didn't understand what she was talking about. This didn't make any sense. She shouldn't even be here.

Lucy was right - he didn't understand.

He didn't get why she would see someone else. Someone like _him _when she had a nice house, a good job, someone to come home to every night. Why did she waste her time? And why was she so upset? He was the one meant to be hurt. He was the one she had lied to. Lucy had waltz into his shitty fucking life and turned it on its head, spruced up his entire routine by just existing cause god, he wanted to see her smile more. It was a constant pull and then she had taken everything right from under him and left him grasping at short straws trying to find an answer.

She knew what she was doing and so she didn't have the right to be hurt. To come here and ask for him, because he knew that he would open that door. No matter how hard he tried, lied through his fucking teeth and took a stand. He was going to open it and it was just a matter of time because Natsu was stupid. He had too much hope that wouldn't kick the bucket no matter how much he put on a front.

"I… I don't know what to do." Lucy hiccuped, her face turned down as she shook her head. "You're the only person that… t-that I know." She could hardly breathe, her cries spilling before she could stop them. Her nails were piercing her skin and she could only continue falling apart.

Natsu couldn't take it anymore. He had enough. She had no right to do this to him.

With one stride he was back at the door, swinging it open as he gripped the handle so tightly that it felt like it would come off. His shoulders were shaking and he ignored how his fingers were trembling as he inhaled sharply, eyebrows drawing in as he finally stood in front of her with all the pain he was feeling written across his face.

"Lucy! I told you-"

He felt his heart stop. His eyes blown wide, mouth falling open as the words died in his throat and his fierce hold on the doorknob dropped. Everything that he was going to say to her left, his thoughts halting as he stared down at her, bloodshot brown eyes full of fresh tears as she was sobbing in front of him.

Though it wasn't her tears that had hit him like a punch in the gut. There was blood, dripping from her hairline and down the side of her face - some of it dried into mats in her blonde locks. Her shirt, the same one he had last seen her in, was ripped, her small arms desperately clinging to her chest in an attempt to cover the skin that it exposed as she hugged herself. Yet, that wasn't what had him struggling to comprehend as the shock kept him rooted in place, fear beginning to well up in his chest as he took her in. It was the angry scarlet marks that littered her pale skin, deep purple bruises already beginning to form in the shape of fingers around her arms, wrist and neck. That was what attracted his attention the most - the red raw skin of her throat, the small scratches and drops of blood that was splattered across her chest, then the hands that were burned into the skin with violet prints.

He could barely choke out her name before she was collapsing into him.

Natsu stepped forward immediately, catching her and bringing her into his chest. She was shaking, her whimpers muffled in his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. He felt empty, barely able to form a sentence as he continued to stare at where she had once been, now only looking into the dark street. Her car wasn't even here.

"Lu… cy?" His heart kicked into gear as he swallowed. "Lucy?"

She only shook her head, words muffled into his chest as her fingers now found his shirt and she held onto him desperately whilst he moved his body so that he could hold her up - to keep her stable against him.

Lucy sobbed, "Please… P-Please let me in. I-I can't. I don't have anywhere else, N… Natsu. I'm so… s-s-sorry."

It was like ice had been dropped down his back, his hands instinctively tightening around her smaller form as he looked down at the top of her head. "Lucy, what… what happened?"

The blonde only continued to shake, holding onto him for dear life. Her knees were weak, unable to support herself as all her weight leaned on him. Safety. She was safe, the one thought continuing to run through her mind as she revelled in the warmth of his body and sunk into the arms wrapped around her.

"I-I. Just how? Lucy, are you…" He was frantic, tripping over his own thoughts. Every emotion had left him, the shock taking over to replace his senses as he struggled to form a coherent sentence. His eyes came away from her form, an urge to reassess his surroundings kicking in as he looked for a threat, but he saw none. Only the same street that he had become familiar with after years of living here. It put him on edge and he pulled Lucy closer as the need to bring her inside heightened.

Natsu shuffled himself down to lift her up, cradling her close to himself as he took care to adjust her in his arms. He tried his hardest not to lose his balance, but his anxiety was through the roof, hands coming to pry her fingers from his shirt as he settled her on the couch.

She wrapped her hands back around her waist.

He pulled his hands through his hair, eyes flicking from Lucy to around the room. "God, where is my fucking phone." He had to call the police, or an ambulance. Hell, his blood was beginning to boil as his mind began registering that someone had hurt her. That they had hurt Lucy. He gnashed his teeth together, fear and anger beginning to raise an array of emotions within him as he searched the coffee table with shaking hands.

Natsu nearly flipped it over when it wasn't there.

"For fuck sakes," He tried to calm himself down, but his stress was beginning to peak. Pulling a hand up, he rubbed the creases forming on his forehead before he turned to Lucy and crouched down in front of her. "Luce, you need to tell me what happened. We have the call the police if the person who-"

"No… Please don't." She shook her head, not meeting his gaze. "I just." her voice was barely above a whisper, strained and weak as she reached for his hand, holding him close to her. "I just want to stay here… for n-now. I-If that's okay."

The refusal was on the tip of his tongue, mouth open until she brought her eyes up to his. She looked broken. Not cracked, or torn. Just broken, as if someone had split her seamlessly in two. Lucy was exhausted, and he knew that bringing the authorities would only bring an added stress to her. Natsu had his fair share of run ins to know that it wasn't easy.

Yet, he felt inadequate as he knelt in front of her. There had to be something that he could do for her, especially since he wasn't there to fucking help her when he should've been.

"Please, Natsu." She asked after his silence.

"Okay," he breathed. "Okay." He tightened his grip on her hand before he stood up. "I'll be right back. Let me just…"

He didn't finish his sentence as he walked off. There were a thousand thoughts rushing through Natsu as he took a moment, trying to take in as much air as he could. His hands were shaking, body humming with energy - the need to do something as he started pulling open cupboard doors, clattering utensils together and taking out a bowl to fill it with hot water.

He jogged to the bathroom, eyes flicking around every which way as he bounced around the walls to rummage through the bottom draw and hoping he had something left in his first aid box and that he hadn't used up all the shit inside it, but he wasn't making it easy for himself.

Natsu was a mess, his unsteady hands trying to quickly gather up the sprawled out contents. He wasn't sure what he was meant to do in this situation. He was still trying to absorb it all, that Lucy was sitting in his living room looking like she had been hit by a fucking car, or something. Natsu hadn't expected her to show up covered in blood, he hadn't expected her to show up at all. They were meant to be finished and so why the fuck did she turn up here. Didn't she have a husband to -

He didn't get to finish that thought before he dropped the container onto the tiles.

"Fuck," he hissed, bending down to pick up the contents once again before he stood. "Fucking hell." Natsu put the first aid box down, turning on the tap and splashing cold water onto his face. He spat into the sink, grabbing a hand towel to roughly dry the water off before he was looking directly at himself in the mirror.

God, he needed a cigarette.

He bit the inside of his cheek. Natsu had to get a hold of himself. This was too much. He was too much. Whatever was going through his mind right now he had to switch it off, his lungs heaving in deep breaths as he tried to keep himself calm. He tried to focus, pushing down the shock that had seemed to paralyse his senses as he concentrated and among the disarray there was one thought that managed to throw itself apart from the others.

Keep her safe.

As he locked eyes with himself he nodded, pulling himself back from gripping onto the cabinet as he smoothed out his breathing. Now wasn't the time to freak out. Lucy needed him, she had even asked him herself. He had to let everything go, making sure she was okay was his first priority.

Natsu pulled a hand through his hair again before he came back out, throwing a clean towel over his shoulder as he grabbed the bowl of hot water with the small medicine box under his arm and walked back to Lucy.

She hadn't moved from where she was in the few minutes he left her, not even an inch. Her shoulders were still shaking, but her tears had lessened - only small cries leaving her lips as she pulled her lower lip between her teeth and kept her arms wrapped around herself. Lucy flicked her eyes up as he pushed everything off the coffee table, setting down the contents in his hands that he thought he would need as he kneeled in front of her again.

Natsu's face was grim as he eased his gaze over her injuries again, mouth set into a hard line as he soaked the towel and wrung it of any excess water. "Let me know if this is too hot for ya," He spoke - his voice carrying a heavy weight in his almost silent house. Yet, Lucy didn't answer him and he only paused for a second, eyes flicking up to her own for any sign for him to stop, before he began wiping up the blood.

He softly grabbed onto one of her hands first, easing it away from her body like handling fragile glass. There was only a moment of hesitance from her, but soon she let him slip his fingers into her own as he pulled it closer to himself. His skin ghosted over her own, hesitant to linger anywhere too long as he cleaned her fingers tips and up her arm. His dark eyes kept flicking up to the cuts and the bruises, but he knew he had to ease her into it - he could leave them a little while longer.

A thick tension settled in the room. Neither of them spoke as he kept at his task, working in the minimal glow from his lamp as the shadows made the wounds look angrier against her pale skin, more violent, and Natsu had to stop his lips from twitching downwards as he moved to her face.

Lucy flinched away and he stopped, hand outstretched to her. He tried to find her gaze, but she hung her head and refused to meet his dark eyes.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "You can… You can keep going."

Natsu nodded even though she couldn't see him. He kept his jaw tight, carefully moving as he watched her closer. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable, his only thoughts right now surrounding taking care of her. Though, every new cut or bruise he revealed made it harder for him to keep his touch gentle.

He moved her blonde hair behind her ear. It was still matted with blood, but he would have to soak the tresses later. His main concern was the wound on her head, the worry gnawing on his insides as every possible fear popped up in his mind. Natsu got up on his knees, coming closer to her as he inspected the gash.

"Does this hurt?" Natsu whispered while he traced his fingers across the skin near the cut and Lucy grabbed onto his upper arm, stilling him immediately as her eyes flickered up to his own. Their faces were close, only a few breaths away from each other, but the distance felt like miles as he locked his gaze with her own.

"Y-yes."

She pulled her lip between her teeth and Natsu tried to soften his expression. "Just breathe, okay?"

Lucy nodded meekly and he pulled back, dunking the wet cloth and rinsing it before he moved back.

"Hold onto me alright. Squeeze as hard ya want," He soothed, smile quirking up as he added. "I'm sure I can take it."

He waited a moment, watching as the blonde readjusted her grip on his bicep and pulled her eyes shut. Taking her deep breaths as a sign to go ahead, he carefully pressed the cloth first to her lower jaw - dabbing up the blood as he slowly cleaned her face. With each brush against her skin she winced, fingers tightening on their hold on him but she never once told him to stop. The only sign that she was in pain being the pinch in her brow or the small hiss that left through clenched teeth.

Natsu monitored her breathing, watching as her shoulders rose and fell with each intake of air. She was still shaking, but Lucy seemed to be concentrated on keeping her breath steady, each one deliberate as she held it for three seconds before repeating. As he climbed high with his ministrations, the uneasy feeling in his gut only twisted further. It was deep, stretching into her hairline and it looked like it would leave a tender scar. She must've hit the ground, or been hit -

"What's your favourite colour?" He asked, cutting off the troubles that were beginning to swirl in his head.

Her brown eyes opened with a start, meeting him immediately as he pulled the cloth down to rinse it again. The silence carried between them, the lull returning as Lucy remained quiet. Though, Natsu waited until she was ready, keeping his hand busy as he squeezed the cloth underneath the now lukewarm water.

"It's-" She started, but pulled her eyes down as she cleared her throat. "It's blue."

The sound of water dripping into the tub filled the room as he nodded, bringing the cloth up to her face once more. This time now hovering over the cut directly. "Try not to pull away," He said gently and Lucy tightened her grip on his arm as he pushed the fabric against the wound.

She scrunched up her face, brows pulling in as her lips twisted into a grimace. "I-It's okay…"

"Good," Natsu breathed, though he didn't miss a beat as he asked her another question. "So, what's your favourite animal?"

Her expression eased as the sting subsided, though was soon replaced by pursed lips as she gave him a look. "I-I can't choose that," She almost whined. "I... like all of them."

He raised a brow at her. "All of them? Really, Lucy?" His tone was teasing as he added, "I don't think I believe that."

"W-well…" She trailed off and Natsu thought she wouldn't answer him before her soft voice reached his ears again. "Except for baboons," Lucy murmured, flicking her gaze away from him and Natsu couldn't help the twitch of his lips.

"Baboons?"

She nodded. "They make me… U-uncomfortable." Her voice was barely audible as colour flushed her face. "With t-they're butts." The bloom on her cheeks was faint, but Lucy still couldn't fight off the burn of the blush as she refused to look at Natsu.

He bit his lip, suppressing the smile that was trying to force itself on his face. "O-oh. That's…" Though, he couldn't finish his sentence as the chuckle bubbled up, nearly escaping before he clamped his lips shut as he pushed his lips down into a forced frown. Except he was betrayed by the shake of his shoulders, his eyes watering as he desperately tried to fight it off.

"Don't laug- Ouch!" Her hand moved to his own where it had jolted against her cut and Natsu quickly swallowed down the chuckle. Any trace of humour leaving the air as the reality of the situation refused to be ignored.

His features returned to their prior places, though it was softer this time - jaw no longer locked as he looked up at Lucy.

"Sorry." Natsu's voice was gentle as he moved the cloth away from the cut. There were still traces of blood, but it was better than before, it's length now visible and he swiped the skin around it once more before putting the cloth back in the bowl.

Lucy brought her eyes up, holding his gaze. The corners of her mouth had twitched up and it helped ease the broken picture in front of him of dried tears and marked skin. "Don't worry about it."

He had to tear his eyes away from her, busying his hands to stop himself from staring. Natsu flicked through the first aid kit, getting scissors in hand as he rolled out the gauze.

"I think you're being harsh on those monkeys," He spoke aimlessly as he cut off a square from the white meshed fabric. "They didn't ask to be like that. Just like how you're Lucy. You can't help who ya are and there's no changing it.." Natsu squinted as he held it up to her face, seeming to imagine the patch over the cut before he settled it down. Though, she said nothing as he continued to rumage, pulling out a bottle of alcohol that he quickly poured onto the gauze.

His knees cracked as he finally stood from his position on the ground and moved closer to her. His breathing was steady as he carefully pressed it down, pulling away as he grabbed a few bandaids, which he used to help hold down the patch. Natsu smiled at his handy work before looking back at Lucy.

"It's just how it is."

Her brown eyes stared up at him, chin titled only slightly as his words seemed to be mulled over. He didn't look away.

"You're…" She cleared her throat, "I think y-you're too nice."

Natsu blinked, mouth falling open as she broke away from him. Her head turned downwards and she went back to clinging onto what was left of her shirt. Her words sounded like they meant more, holding more weight that settled on his shoulders and returning the frown on his lips. He bent down as he picked up his cloth, carefulling trailing his hands on her shoulder before he grabbed the matted pieces of her long hair where the cut was.

He hummed, trying his best to clean through the blood that had dried there. "I wouldn't say that." The thought of how he was pushing her away earlier flickered through his mind and he stopped, a feeling he couldn't describe clawing at his insides as he looked down at the woman seated on his couch. "I nearly left… I -"

"You are helping me when you shouldn't be," Lucy spoke, her voice void of any emotion. "I shouldn't even… be here. Yet," She paused, taking a deep breath and Natsu couldn't tear his eyes away as she gripped onto her shirt tighter and tighter. "Yet, here I am."

He dropped his hands. "Why wouldn't I help you?" His tone was angrier than he would have liked it to be. "You're covered in blood- Lucy, you've been hurt!"

"I've hurt you!"

"That doesn't matter." He threw down the cloth, teeth bared. "Why would any of it matter!"

She sucked in a sharp breath. Lucy was crying again, voice weak as she spoke again, "Because... I-I… I never wanted to drag you into this." Her shoulders were shaking and she continued to try and pull her shirt closed. "It just… it wasn't meant to turn out this way."

"What? Turn out what way? What do you mean, Luce?"

Lucy shook her head, bowing in front of him as she clammed up.

"You have to tell me what's going on, Lucy!" His emotions were getting the better of him and he had to take in a deep breath, dark eyes watching her as she dug her nails into the flesh of her exposed stomach. "Just -"

He dragged a hand through his hair as he walked away from her. Not wasting anytime as he returned with one of his jumpers and a blanket. He laid the thick comforter onto the couch before he tried to hand the jacket to Lucy, though her tears were not stopping as she struggled to breathe.

"Hey, Hey!" Natsu settled himself next to her, grabbing onto her hands as he tried to get her to look at him. "Lucy, please. Luce!"

"I-I'm… s-sorry." She stopped, pulling her brown eyes up to his and he moved to capture her face, warm hands cradling her cheeks as her bottom lip wobbled. Lucy was barely keeping it together in front of him and he tried his best to wipe away the tears that were still falling.

"It's s'okay. Breathe," He soothed, voice soft as he kept her steady. "Just breathe."

She hiccuped, "But -"

Natsu interrupted her, shaking his head slightly. "Don't. Just calm down, Lucy." He pulled away when she nodded, only to push the jacket towards her. "Put this on ya. You'll feel better." He held it out for her and Lucy followed what he told her as she put her arm through, letting Natsu drop it as she shrugged on the red fluffy jumper. As soon as it was around her, he moved to zip it up before encircling her in his arms.

The blonde let herself drop into his chest and he pulled her closer, only shuffling slightly as he reached for the blanket and pulled it over her. She sniffled and Natsu massaged his fingers through her hair while she breathed deeply, shaky exhales that fanned across his neck and sent shivers down his spine.

"It's okay," He whispered, repeating it to her again and again as he held her flush against him. He peered down at her, tucking her head underneath his as they sat there in silence. "You're gonna be okay."

Though, Lucy weakly shook her head. "It's… n-not okay."

"Luc -"

He tried to speak, but she was pulling away, bringing her teary eyes up to his gaze as she tugged on the bottom of his shirt. "I am sorry, Natsu. I-I really never wanted any of this…"

Her voice was soft, but the tone told him that she was serious and his lips pulled down into a frown, eyes turning dark as he stared right back at Lucy - the dim light stretching the shadows further on her broken expression.

He took a breath. "What… What happened, Lucy?"

Her head dropped, shoulders slumping as she tried to force a watery smile. "Well... That's the thing. I'm not really sure." A choked laugh bubbled up. "I've never been able to guess what happened… w-where, or how, it all went wrong. What I did to fuck it all up..."

Natsu stayed quiet as she seemed to collect herself, not even moving as he watched her every move and how her fingers curled into tightened fists.

"You remember, don't you? When we first met?" Her eyes were glassy, looking far away as she spoke like Lucy was reliving everything right before him. "We were already halfway to the bed when you asked me if I knew this was just a hookup."

He grimaced, listening to her talk as he tried to picture the faint memory. They were both drunk and he had a habit of being blunt when under the influence.

"Yeah… I remember."

She looked up, eyes glistening in the warm light. "I had told you then, that it was okay. A hookup was all I was looking for - and that was true." She breathed in deeply, waiting a few seconds before she let out a shaky exhale. "It was meant to be my one mistake… A-a night where I could finally let go."

The break in her voice started a new wave of tears to appear in her eyes and Lucy bit her lip as she swallowed, trying her best to keep calm but she knew that Natsu could feel the tremble of her hands.

"But I never told… j-just what it was that I was running from that night."

Natsu didn't realise he was holding his breath, hands tightening on the blanket by her side as he felt the twist of anticipation in his gut. This was his answer. He knew it, but he couldn't help the dread that was lingering behind his need to know. The feeling that he wouldn't like the next words that came out from her lips.

"I only came here tonight because I… I had nowhere else to go." Lucy was no longer trying to smile, her features twisted into one of grief as she tried to keep going. "I-I know it was wrong and that I shouldn't of ever tried to pretend that he-"

She sobbed, her words getting cut short as she tried to take in more air. "If I… If I go home then I d-don't know what he'll do to me…" The tears were falling down her cheeks, the fat droplets maring her face as she whispered in a voice so choked up that Natsu had to strain himself to hear her. "He hurts me."

Natsu didn't know what to do when she fell into his chest again, sobs wracking her body as her shoulders shook so hard it sent reverberations through him. He felt cold, almost like when he had first opened the door and saw her bloody and bruised, but it wasn't quite the same.

The icy grip squeezed his heart, so tightly that he felt like he was going to freeze up and he was. Natsu could barely move a muscle as Lucy cried into him, his hand only moving to rest on her back as he tried his best to understand what she meant. Though, he felt like he already knew the answer. It became entirely clear as every moment fell into place and screamed at him to face that truth that he refused to acknowledge. That he didn't want to believe.

His mind could only repeat the words again and again in his head and he felt his throat constrict. It couldn't be true. He didn't want it to be. Lucy didn't -

_He hurts me._

_Him. _

_Her Husband. _

The man that was the reason Lucy had bruises in places that didn't look normal and why she stumbled to come up with a reason and why she closed up when she couldn't give him one that was good enough. The man that Natsu had seen in the photos in her house and left her with as he stormed out without giving her a chance to even talk to him. The man that had beaten her so badly that she had shown at his door covered in blood with hand prints wrapped around her throat and -

He tried to breathe, but there wasn't enough air to fill his lungs and he wrapped his arms tighter around the blonde who's breathing had finally settled. Natsu didn't know how long he must've been sitting there but it seemed Lucy had fallen asleep nestled into his side. Her head was leaning against his shoulder and he allowed the silence to wash over them as he tried to get his bearings. The tension in the room had faded and turned to a chill that clung to Natsu's skin.

The world, he felt, had crumbled around him. His dark eyes drawing down to the crown of Lucy's head and her sleeping face, tear tracks dried as she held onto him so tightly like he was her only lifeline in this moment, which he wanted to laugh at. Him? Natsu couldn't have chosen someone worse for the job.

He barely had his own shit together rather than helping someone through their own. He was messy, unpredictable, and struggling to work through everything that had slowly piled onto him over the years.

Lucy, Natsu thought, has terrible taste. Yet, his gaze softened as he continued to stare at her, bringing one of his hands up to push the long blonde hair from her face as he sighed.

But he… He pressed his lips into a tight line. The thoughts were spinning around in his head and he couldn't have imagined this would be the end to his night, holding onto the girl who was the second person to break his heart and leave him feeling more vulnerable and pathetic than ever before.

He breathed in, but he would do it. He would do it for her.

* * *

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I tried my best on it and worked hard to release it today! Stay safe x**

Thank you to everyone who reviewed:

_wondxrlustxoxo, Lycamall, SunsetRika, ItsJ Gacha, eternalbebe, MillennialStargazer, samurai of sunflowers, mautrino, annegirl13, BeachBumBabe, Tabasco-Devil, Guest, vaneanime and Lodemai04._

**i appreciate all your kind words and they mean so much to me!**

**~Doginshoe**


	8. Chapter 8

The sound of a dull thud stirred Lucy awake that morning. She was warm, fingers tightening over the blanket that she had pulled over her chest and she snuggled further into the soft cushion beneath her. It was comforting, though she had definitely felt better days. There was a fog in front of her mind as she let the heat wrap around her, an ache that started around her hips and throbbed all the way around her body incessant on making itself known as soon as she tried to dive back into the lull of sleep. Her eyelids were heavy, already stinging from the light that was peeking in from her bedroom windows, but she refused to meet its bright rays today.

She was tired and in pain - Lucy wanted nothing more than to rest.

A loud clatter jolted her upright before she could let the confines of her exhaustion wrap around her. Her puffy brown eyes snapped open, taking in the living room around her to then whip her head to look at the source of the noise coming from behind her.

Natsu was there, his face turned towards her like a deer caught in headlights as he clutched a cup in his hands that seemed to have fallen off the bench. Lucy had to adjust her eyes as he settled it down, lips already pulling up as he brought his hand up to scratch at the back of his head.

This wasn't her bedroom.

His lips pulled up after a moment, his eyes softening as he looked at her. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake ya."

She blinked - her eyes locking with his before her face dropped, quickly breaking their contact as she felt a tug in her chest - embarrassment making her cheeks warm as she turned her gaze to the floor. The shock of waking up rippled the surface of her memories as she realised why she was on Natsu's couch. Her heart ached, eyebrows scrunching before she flittered her gaze back up to meet his.

Right. Her and Jackal had-

Natsu was still looking at her, his expression tense, he placed the cup down on the countertop before leaning against it. "Did you get a good sleep?" His voice cut through the thick atmosphere, the sound rough from it's morning rasp and she realised that he couldn't have been awake much longer than she had. His pink locks were still strewn in every direction, some sticking up towards the ceiling that made her cheeks darken. The way he was watching her made her uncomfortable as he waited for her response, his usually bright eyes dark with emotion, but he was still trying to strain a slight smile for her.

"I know the couch isn't very comfortable, especially…" He let the sentence die, fingers drumming on the bench as he pushed the thought aside.

_Especially when you're sharing it with someone else._

It wasn't a big deal. They had slept together. Just sleeping. He didn't want to move after she had finally passed out on his chest, but Natsu felt it was out of place to say it outloud - to give the action more meaning than there was. It only served to make him feel off, and he didn't want to know how Lucy would react. Natsu didn't want to give rise to those emotions. Now wasn't the time to dwell on it. He didn't think there ever would be a time. Instead he settled to carry the conversation elsewhere as he started again, "You know how old the thing is. I'm sure you had a few broken springs diggin' into ya throughout the night."

"Oh, it-"

Her hand reached for her throat, coughing as her voice felt like scraping nails through her windpipe. Yet, each puff of air that left her lips had her eyes watering, throat searing as she tried to stifle the spasm of her lungs. Each heave of her shoulders sent a jolt of pain down her body making Lucy feel dizzy, her eyes closing shut as she tried to calm down.

"Oh, shit." Natsu turned back, the sound of running water reaching Lucy's ears as she clutched at the skin of her neck, though she winced as her finger tips made contact with the tender flesh.

She bit onto her bottom lip, keeping in the cry that wanted to leave her as it would only make the pain worse. Lucy felt sick as she remembered the hands that caused the bruises that were now imprinted onto her. She didn't want to imagine what they looked like, her eyes sliding shut. She didn't want to know what _she_ looked like right now. The injuries that were littered across her entire body now flaring up as the memories surged back to the forefront of her mind.

She pulled her hand away to instead thread her fingers into the red fabric of the jacket resting near her collarbones, squeezing tight as she felt her throat burn.

"Hey, hey-" He was by her side, warm hands gently touching her upper arm and pulling her back into the moment. "Here. Drink up. You need some water."

She opened her eyes again, sniffling slightly as she saw Natsu in front of her - green irises watching in concern as his lips were pulled down into a frown. Lucy raised a shaky hand up as she accepted the glass of water he was pushing towards her, though she kept the other still close to her throat.

She knew he'd seen it. There was no way that Natsu was able to miss the marks on her body after he had been the one to clean her up last night. Yet, she still tried to conceal it - gaze flickering to her lap and away from him as she took a small sip of the cool liquid.

She tried not to let the tingles down her throat bother her, feeling like just that small amount was too much for the swollen glands as she swallowed - the sound loud in her ears as she sat in silence. She brought the glass down to her lap, keeping her hand flat against the smooth surface to stop it from shaking.

"Th-than-" The hum of her vocal cords still hurt, voice coming out strained and croaky, and she paused to take another drink until she finally sighed. "Thank you…"

Those words hung in the air, their meaning not quite coming across properly as Lucy almost whispered them. She felt awkward. There was a lot she should be thanking him for. Not just for a measly cup of water, but Lucy didn't quite feel like elaborating further for him. There was a weight in her chest, holding her perfectly still as she tried to look everywhere but at Natsu.

"No sweat." Natsu kept his gaze on her, hands moving back immediately from where he had touched her arm. "How're you feeling?" He didn't let his gaze wander, focusing solely on her eyes as he watched her - the worry that had settled into his chest beginning to rise as she struggled to take in air.

Lucy forced a strained quirk of her lips, pulling the jumper higher as she sunk down. "F-Fine."

"Really, Lucy -"

"I'm okay… Natsu," She said, but the high pitch tone of her voice betrayed her and she had to force her gaze up slightly. "Really, I'm fine."

Dark green eyes watched her and Lucy felt her gut twist whilst he studied her. Her nails bit down, picking at the fabric and she had to force herself not to look away. She felt nervous in front of him, a hollow feeling surfacing in her chest as she recoiled.

He knew. There was no pretending, no lying anymore, but she couldn't fight down the shame that was building up inside her. The weight was getting heavier and heavier, muscles tightening as she squeezed the glass in her grasp.

His hand moved to take the glass from her, not thinking as he reached for her before Lucy visibly pulled back. The water jostled in her grasp and she opened her lips to say something, but nothing came out as they locked eyes - Natsu pulling back as his frown deepened.

They were both skirting around the edge, neither saying a word. The house felt suffocating. The presence of what had happened not leaving and refusing to be ignored, but Lucy wasn't budging and Natsu didn't know what to do. His thoughts were jumbled, still trying to work himself through his feelings as he tried his best to make the right choice. Whatever that was. He knew what he needed to do, to be there for Lucy as someone she could rely on, but there was no manual on what steps he had to take. He felt like he was running blind and she was the unfortunate sucker stuck hanging at his side.

He sighed before he stood and tousled his hair, walking away from her and back into the kitchen. She tried to settle her breathing - Lucy unsure when her heart had started beating so rapidly in her chest as she took another tentative sip of water.

"I was going to go to the store, but I didn't want you to wake up alone," He started, voice far off in her mind as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. "So, the kitchen's pretty empty but-"

She shouldn't be here.

Lucy tried to take a breath. In and out. Yet, it wasn't helping. Her eyes began to sting, blurring with unwanted tears as her throat burned. She tried to swallow down the lump that had formed, but she couldn't break it down. There was too much for her to think about, her emotions becoming sporadic as she struggled to keep them under control.

She pulled her hand away from her neck, downing the rest of her water as she gripped the cup with both hands. The water dribbled down her face from her quivering lip, dampening the jumper she wore. Natsu's jumper - That he had given her because she had shown up here with her problems.

Her hands were trembling when she turned to put down the glass, fists tightening before squeezing her eyes shut. Though, the tears dropped onto her cheeks and she had to scrub at her face, flushing from the frustration that was beginning to take hold of her. Lucy let out a shaky breath as she adjusted herself, sitting up straight on the couch as the blanket bunched around her hips.

"Sorry, it's all I have left." Natsu's footsteps were heavy on the ground, coming back as he fell into the couch with another heavy sigh and a packet in his hands. He opened it, fiddling slightly before offering it to Lucy. "Breakfast is served."

She flicked her gaze down beside her and to the bag of cashews that he was offering her.

"I'm not hungry…" Her voice quavered as she curled her arms around herself, forcing another smile at the man next to her. Though, it was weak, looking similar to a grimace rather than what she wanted to show him. "Thank… Thank you though."

She tried not to bite the inside of her cheek, feeling sick as those words left her lips again. Thank you… like she had any right to have even ask him- to even show up here after what she had done to him.

This wasn't right. She felt so wrong and it hurt. That pain sat directly in her chest, below her heart. It was etching itself across her ribs and spreading down to her stomach. Her thoughts only picked up the speed, making her more upset as Natsu sat across from her.

Guilt. Lucy knew of it well after all these years and it was burning through her like wildfire.

"You should really eat something, Lucy."

Natsu wasn't attempting to smile anymore, his gaze dark as he turned his body towards her. His brow was pinched together in concern, jaw clenched. Sympathetic care for the woman beside him.

"I've got you some pain-killers too. I'm no doc, but I figured it would help."

It was the only reason he was helping her. She knew it. He was just waiting for her to leave, for her to pack up her mess and get out of his face so he didn't have to deal with the maniac in his house anymore. He fixed her up because he had no other choice. Natsu didn't want her here. He just felt sorry for her, that she was so useless that she couldn't even hold her own marriage together.

Lucy hated it.

She shifted uncomfortably as she kept her eyes down. She didn't move as he shuffled, the crinkle of foil resounding throughout the small room before he put down panadol on the coffee table alongside her empty cup. The bag of nuts stayed out stretched to her.

All he wanted was to make this better. His thoughts centered around giving Lucy everything she needed as he tried his best to work out what that was. He hated seeing her like this. It made him feel sick. Whether he wanted to admit it before or not, but she was someone he cared about. If he could do anything right in his life then he knew it was helping her. Though, it would be easier if she would let him - her passive refusal not going unnoticed.

Natsu was stubborn.

"I can go get you some more water to take it with," He mumbled, more to himself, but still loud enough for her to hear. He felt so frustrated. "We could go to the shops- Well, I can walk in." Natsu looked at her, taking in every bruise as he corrected himself. He was such an idiot. There was no way she would want to walk around in public when she was in pain. "You don't have to come in… We can get whatever you want to eat. If you don't like cashews, that is."

She didn't answer. Not that she wanted to, but she couldn't get the words out, throat constricting as Natsu spoke. The weight was beginning to suffocate her. Her ribs feeling as if they were enclosing around her heart.

His lips turned up, making the effort that she wouldn't. "Or we could get groceries delivered."

She didn't miss the slight strain of his smile, it was barely noticeable but it stood out to her. Of course, he didn't want to be seen with her. With the way Lucy looked... Her hand climbed up to once again pull the jumper up to try and hide her neck. She didn't want to imagine the many gazes that would be on her. How everyone would know.

"Saves a walk and pulling all those bags all the way here." He pushed out more words, as if to fill the silence between them as much as possible. "The cabinets are mostly dust right now so I feel sorry for the poor sucker who has to deliver them." He tried for a chuckle, but it was forced - unnatural as it spilled from his lips.

Though, Lucy wasn't listening anymore. Her mind became blank as she blurted out her next words, interrupting Natsu's rambling. "I.. I have to go."

Natsu paused, his smile falling. "What?"

"I have to go," She said, voice firmer. Her eye's finally moved up, meeting his surprised gaze as a silence passed between them. His face twisted, eyebrows narrowing as his lips turned down into a frown, but Lucy wasn't giving him time to speak.

She pulled the blanket to the side, bringing herself to stand up until her knees buckled. The blonde fell forward, her ankle surrendering under her weight as pain shot up her body. Her head spun, the sudden movement making her feel faint as she swayed. Yet, strong arms were wrapping around her before she crumbled - held firm around her waist, stilling her before pulling her to lean against a hard chest.

Lucy yelped at the contact, trying to pull away but the feeling of falling having her hands wrapping around him before she could stop herself as she struggled to stand. Her breathing was heavy, adrenaline rushing through her and causing her whole body to tremble. Neither said a word, moment continuing to pass as they were joined together awkwardly in a hug. Though, they didn't move - only letting the seconds tick by as the blonde got hold of her bearings.

When Lucy finally looked up, her brown eyes watering as she met Natsu's own, he was already looking down at her. He had taken on that same look, the one from last night that didn't suit him - an expression that was pinched with an underlying pain as he stared at her.

He moved his hands, coming instead to hold her arm in order to keep her stable. His lips were drawn down, eyes already knowing her answer but seeming to ask her the question anyways.

"Go where, Lucy?"

She always loved Natsu's warmth. It was what contrasted him to Jackal. Where her husband was cold, an explosion of dark anger - Natsu was always light. She didn't like how that changed now. How he was looking at her with so much furry ladened underneath green eyes. Lucy had never seen it before and she felt the air leave her lungs, a jolt of energy to rip herself away from him rushing through her.

She had faltered, her mind glitching like the sizzle of static on an old TV. She saw Natsu first, his dark irises while he held her causing a pool of heat to rush to her cheeks, but then Natsu wasn't there anymore. Instead, Jackal glared at her and the grip on her arm felt too tight as she recoiled. It felt all too real, fear seizing her before she had a chance to catch herself.

Natsu let her slip out of his grasp, though he watched her carefully as she grabbed onto the arm of the couch, holding herself up as she lifted her twisted ankle off the floor as she was too uncertain to stand on it fully.

"I-I can't stay here," She bit out, forcing herself to speak as tears fell down her cheeks. She wasn't sure when she had started crying. Though, Lucy had been doing that a lot lately. Her eyes constantly bloodshot and teary.

"Yes, you can. Sit down, Lucy." He looked like he wanted to pull her back to him, but Natsu wasn't moving an inch - already struggling to control the level of his voice. "I know what you're doing and it's not happening."

She leaned back, though didn't let up her grip on the arm of the couch. "I should have never come here! This.. This isn't your problem, Natsu." She sucked in a breath, trying to not choke on her tears, but it felt so hard for her to speak to him openly. "..I'm s-so sorry. I never wanted you to have any part in this."

His frown deepened. "Don't do this. Please."

Lucy shook her head, no longer listening to him as she squeezed her eyes shut. "Please, Natsu. You don't have to pretend… f-for me.."

She was shaking, hands trembling and her breathing becoming more laboured with each intake of her lungs. She was so stupid to come here. Who did she think she was? Lucy had caused enough damage by using Natsu for her own selfish reasons.

He didn't deserve this.

"Pretend?" He raised his voice, Lucy wincing in response, and Natsu tried to pull himself together. Yet, his anger was beginning to surge - the thought of what Lucy was accusing him of only adding to the fire that was building. "Lucy, please.. Do you really think I'm doing this 'cause I have to?"

"I know what happened between us.." He let out a frustrated growl, pushing a hand through his hair. That wound was still tender, he had to admit, but Natsu knew that wasn't important right now. "Just because of what we've been through doesn't mean I don't care about you. What's done is done and I'm going to look after you."

"I'm not your clean up job, Natsu!"

"I never said that you were!" He hissed. "Would you please listen to me? I don't know everything, I know, but I don't care, Luce. Just look at yo-" His throat closed up, his own eyes becoming watery and he had to tear his gaze away, bringing a hand to his mouth as he took a deep breath. "Where do you even think you're going to go? Because I'm not letting you go back there."

_Go back there..._

The thought bubbled up, the question that had been on her mind last night as she had left the house on foot with nothing but the clothes she was wearing - where would she go? Lucy knew the only place left for her was with Jackal. They had played this game before. She couldn't count the amount of times she had slept in her car, or Jackal had been missing from the house for days.

This wasn't any different. Except it was. He had something against her now. Jackal tried to kill her. Truly. Lucy didn't doubt that he would've strangled her to death last night if she hadn't defended herself, but what was she to do…

She wanted to laugh, but she was sobbing even harder. "I- I don't know…"

The blonde brought her hand up to her face, trying to shield herself from him as she broke down completely. "Natsu, I.. I don't know w-what to do…"

"Lucy…" He was cautious, swallowing thickly as he watched her crumble once again. "Lucy, please." Natsu took a deep breath, his hands coming up as they reached out for her - watching her barely holding herself up as she cried.

He couldn't stand it.

She didn't deserve to feel this way. No one did. He had his own share of mistakes. Natsu knew how painful being betrayed by someone could be - he had experienced it so much of his life. Constantly surrounded by pain from people that he had trusted. Yet, at the same time, he knew that he would never truly understand Lucy. The very thought of what she had been through-

"Hey," he spoke softly, slowly closing the distance. "Lucy?"

She shook her head, not looking up at him. She didn't want to see how he was looking at her, the pity in his eyes as he saw how pathetic she was. Lucy wanted to curl up and disappear. She didn't want to make these decisions and she… she didn't want to hurt Natsu anymore.

"I know this hard, but I'm here." His voice was barely above a whisper, so soft as he tried to coax her towards him, doing what he knew best, but he needed her permission. "Just let me be here for you."

She choked on a sob, her brain screaming at her, yet, she wrapped her arms around him as soon as he pulled her closer. The distance between them dwindling as his arms encircled her before she pushed her face against his chest. Her tears were soaking into his shirt, small hands clutching tightly onto him. He knew that there was one thing he could do for her now - to be that stability that she needed in a moment where she didn't have anything left.

"It's.." Natsu hesitated with his next words, hands tightening around her form tighter in his arms as he contemplated if he really believed what he was going to tell her. Yet, he knew he believed in Lucy even if she didn't. "It's going to be okay, Luce."

"N-no… It isn't," She cried, "This isn't o-okay, Natsu."

He held her tighter, refusing to let go as he buried his nose in her hair. "We're friends." The term felt off as it left his lips, feeling as though it didn't quite reach where their relationship truly was, but he pushed it aside. "I'm gonna help you anyway I can, which means you can stay here as long as you like."

"But I-"

"Don't." Natsu pulled back just enough so that he was looking into her teary eyes, his expression serious. "You're not doing this alone anymore, Lucy. I promise you."

Her lips curved down, the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Everything t-that's happened-"

"Doesn't matter," He breathed, leaning in close. His forehead pressed against her own, but Lucy made no move to back away. Their grasps tight as they stared into the others eyes. "I'm not backing down. We can do this- You can do this."

"We can go grab your things and I can borrow a mattress from Gray. I don't mind." His green eyes were intense, burning with a determination that sent fear pooling in her gut alongside something she couldn't quite place.

"You don't have to call that place home anymore."

Lucy smiled, a real smile that had her eyes shining as tears rolled down the rise of her cheeks. Her chest felt tight still, but warmth was spreading through her and wrapping around every part of her as she laughed before burying her face into his shoulder. It was weak and sounded more like a snort, but she didn't care. The weight on her, for the first time in so long, feeling so much lighter than it had before as he held her close.

They had merely scratched the surface, she knew. There were so many issues that would eat her up inside when she had the time to think clearly, but for now she let his warmth consume her like before. The effect of Natsu that had her so drawn to him in the first place. It was selfish and naive, but she didn't want to worry anymore. All Lucy wanted to do was melt in the hope that she knew wouldn't last. She wanted to let herself rely on him, even for a moment.

_Thank you._

* * *

**This was a very difficult chapter to write, but I'm glad to be finished with it. Lucy is feeling a myriad of emotions right now, and so is Natsu, so it's tentative steps into the direction that they hope is the right one. It sets up a foundation for the next part of the story we're entering whilst also providing a little bit of a breather. Things will pick up again next chapter though. I hope you enjoyed the pause in the storm. **

**What would you guys do if you were presented in their situation? **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed:**

annegirl13, Prick 'n Improper, Copperreign12, ItsJ Gacha, Amanny, sweet opposition, Guest, Mushi9, Mautrino, Nathaliie.b, MillennialStargazer, stranger1999, Lady Of The Sphinx, sevenlaila, eternalbebe, Jaky812 and Lodemai04

**I enjoy hearing from everyone of you and I'm so glad you are on the ride for this story. This is a very heavy topic and I'm trying to present it to the best of my ability. I would like to think rougescribe and bmarvels for betaing this. It's always so much help to have an extra pair of eyes read through something, especially when I'm doubting my work. Check out their writing if you can!**

**~Doginshoe**


	9. Chapter 9

**tw: blood, aggressive language at the end, mentions of abuse**

* * *

Hearing the sound of wheels crunching against the road had never filled Lucy with so much fear and unease. It was the crunch as the taxi reversed, tyres smoothing over unsettled bitumen near the driveway before the car picked up speed and took off down the street. Each crackle had her feet tingling, the shivers climbing all the way up her back while she tried to swallow down the lump in her throat.

"Deep breaths." Natsu squeezed her hand beside her. "I'm right here with you."

The blonde didn't tear her eyes from the house in front of her, taking in a deep steady breath to try and calm her nerves. "Okay."

It didn't help. Lucy felt cold, fingers numb in his grasp as he held onto her tightly. The world was dissipating from around her. The only focus being the building in front of her and the nerves that were sending a prickle from the bottom of her spine all the way to the base of her neck. She resisted the urge to shiver, to shake the feeling away. She knew that it wasn't going anywhere.

Natsu stood firm, anchoring her in place. He felt like a heavy shadow more than anything else. A shadow that Lucy didn't want. She had tried to tell him that she needed to do this on her own, but of course he hadn't listened. Natsu had made a promise and he intended to keep it.

Even though it only increased the jitters that she was feeling.

He waited until she took the first step, not pushing her or pulling her back as he waited for the woman beside him to make her move. Silence passed, neither took a step forward. She tried to psych herself up as she kept her eyes locked on what was in front of her, but the clouds of doubt were already hanging over her mind. Lucy grit her teeth.

"Are you sure?" Her voice was meek, uncertain as she asked the question that was holding her back, seeking permission on whether she was allowed back into the place which she had called home.

"It's your decision, Lucy, but you're going to have to do it eventually. Your whole life was here and you can't just leave it there."

She pulled her lip between her teeth, sinking further into the large hoodie that she had changed into. It was a lot larger than the jacket he had given her that night, covered more and allowed herself to hide in its comfort. She made sure to push the hood up, concealing the bruises around her face and neck in its shadows.

Lucy sucked in a breath, feeling her heartbeat quickening inside her chest.

He was right. She couldn't run away. Yet, it was all she wished she could do. The dark circles under her eyes were witness to that. A sleepless night alone in Natsu's bed as she went over all her options. Lucy had wanted to scream. Though, only silent tears fell down her cheeks, wetting the pillow as she curled in on herself and wept. Her family photos, her car, cellphone, documents, laptop… Every single one of her possessions were there - stuck with him. The man she had married, who she thought she would be spending the rest of her life with.

This wasn't how she wanted to go about things. It was all fucked up. Her plan to leave, every thought or lead she hung onto were tossed out the window. Lucy didn't even take a step into independence. She was stuck in her corner. Scared, pathetic and ruined. This was going to make her lose everything. Her job, the house that she had and -

"Lucy."

She blinked, eyes turning down as Natsu called her name. Her shoulders shook, taking in a deep breath before trying to pull herself together again. Lucy took a step forward onto uncertain ground, ankle throbbing with the weight of her step.

None of that mattered though. Not when Jackal was what she was facing. She had to know that this wasn't going to be easy, that she would have to struggle and fall whilst picking up the pieces, but…

Her hand fell out of his when they came to the door, shaking Natsu off of her as she positioned herself in front of him. Her heart knocked against her ribs in time with her fist on the door. She didn't even realise she was shaking, her arms coming to wrap around herself as she waited to be face to face with him. Again.

Lucy wanted to tell herself that this was just like every other time, but the looming presence behind her was all she needed to remind herself that it wasn't. She wasn't crawling back to Jackal again. This time was different and that was a good thing. Change was what Lucy hoped she needed, but it didn't help that she felt like she was going to be sick. Her stomach churning with every second that passed, feeling like an eternity as Lucy pushed her gaze to the floor trying to steel her resolve.

"Is he home?"

Her body stiffened at Natsu's voice, heart almost leaping out of her throat before she took a deep breath. She turned her brown eyes to him, his face already fixed to her as she pulled her lower lip between her teeth. An answer was close to falling from her mouth, yet she hesitated.

_Yes, of course he's home. It's a Saturday. We would watch shitty TV every Saturday._

That was a pastime that Lucy hadn't done in years. The memory was vague and dated, barely scraping the surface of her mind when she was cuddled into his side as they laughed at the corny jokes with the stereotypical crowd applause in the background of reality shows. It hurt, a foreign pain that always lingered in her chest that restarted and Lucy had to swallow it down.

"I don't know."

The man that Jackal had become was a stranger to her. Only wearing the aged face of the person that she had once been so in love with when they were young. She couldn't tell anyone how he spent his morning - probably with a hangover if she were to try guessing, but she couldn't tell them how he would wake up and groan from the shining light or if he would take himself straight to the toilet where he would be sick from the lingering alcohol. Lucy couldn't answer with a smile that he loved his eggs sunny side up or hard boiled or scrambled. He used to be so easy for her to read, but now she doubted that she ever really knew him at all.

Natsu sighed, his brows pinching inwards and Lucy fixed her eyes on the way his lips thinned as he pulled at the hair near the base of his neck. At least Natsu didn't like eggs. That answer was simple, letting her brain become distracted from the feelings that were surfacing. They made her uncomfortable, the queasy feeling in her stomach increasing as they stood at her doorstep.

"What are we going to do then?" He asked.

She kicked her feet on the ground before huffing and let her eyes pull towards the side of the house. "Well-"

"Please tell me we're going to have to break in." His smile broke on his face before he finished, the first she had seen today and she couldn't help the twitch of her own, rolling her eyes as she turned back to him.

"No." Lucy started walking, investigating the bush around the corner of the house. Sticks poked into her side and leaves caught in her hair but soon she was picking up a small garden ornament in the shape of a grandfather clock. It was odd looking, but she had thought it was cute at a garage sale when she was twenty-one and it had found its use soon enough. The spare key was right where she had left it, underneath the weird character, and she made her way up to Natsu, jingling it around in her fingers. "You really think I would break into my own house?"

He shrugged, though the disappointed look was clear on his face. "Hey, I wouldn't mind smashing a few windows. Let the guy have to pay some damage fees." Natsu pinned her with a pointed stare before looking away. "It's not like he doesn't deserve it."

Lucy chose to ignore him, shaking the keys off before leading to unlock the door. It wasn't that he had said something wrong. The blonde knew that many people would agree with that statement and she did too… He did deserve to suffer because of what he did to her. Though, it wasn't something that she wanted to speak out loud, voice feeling constricted in her throat as she heard the familiar click of the front door.

She sucked in a breath as it opened just a fraction. It was enough to make Lucy falter, her trembling hand stopping as she tried to take in more deep breaths. The nerves doubled and there was a weight hanging from her chest that settled in her stomach making her feel like turning away.

"Do you want me to -" Natsu started but Lucy shook her head, her voice coming out a bit firmer than she intended.

"No! No… It's- I'm alright."

Speaking it out loud helped. Natsu was here with her and they would be out of this place before she knew it. This was the last time she'd be opening up this door. The last time that she would come home to the house where she spent some of the worst years of her life. Opening up this door was like taking the first step on the road that she had only spoken the truth of in the last remaining hope of her mind. Granted, the path was broken and barely constructed for proper use, but it was the only way she would move forward.

She stepped through, leaving her key in the door as she was met with the same mess that she had left the house in. The blood on the kitchen floor was what immediately caught her attention. Dark dried splatters that looked like someone had attempted to clean before giving up with a red soaked paper towel tossed beside it. The glass was still shattered on the floor, half folded washing on the table and a pile of dishes that were left unrinsed in the sink - a kitchen knife left to the side.

Her chest tightened, but there was no sign of Jackal and her eyes immediately turned to Natsu as his footsteps settled beside her.

"Jesus Christ," He spat, the anger spilling into his tone and she didn't have to follow his gaze to know what he was staring at. "I swear if I ever…"

Her face felt hot, embarrassed as he brought a hand to his face to cover his mouth. He pulled his face away and settled instead to turn to face the doorway to the living room. At least that was still intact. Though, it still looked like a war zone with beer cans littering the coffee table alongside more dirty dishes.

"I'm sorry you have to see this."

The words left her before she could stop herself. Her arms curled around herself, feeling insecure whilst her lower lip quivered. She hated that Natsu had to look at her, the bruises and cuts on her face, and she hated that he was seeing the reality that was her life. The shame gripped her, grabbing at her entire being. She felt sick. Lucy felt sick with herself and she couldn't change that. There were no more cover ups and no more lying. This was everything that she was.

A mess.

"It's fine," He grumbled. "Come on. Let's wrap this up quickly before fuckhead comes back. It'll be better if we aren't here." Natsu turned back to her, shaking his shoulders as he offered a strained half smile. "What do you want me to grab?"

Her mind couldn't help but wander to when she had last stood here with Natsu, the memories immediately making her eyes glassy as that heart ache returned in full force. It seemed it was ancient history but a week hadn't gone by since he had walked away from her. Now, here he was. Natsu was standing beside her. She couldn't imagine how she had hurt him, but he… he was supporting her.

Lucy couldn't stop that guilt from swallowing her whole.

She tore her gaze from him to instead find her bag. It had been thrown onto the floor, pushed off the kitchen bench with its contents spilled and adding to the disaster "Upstairs. I-In the hallway… There's a door that should have a cabinet in front of it… Don't bother asking why." Her lips tugged even further down, that memory making her sour and Natsu nodded briefly. "We can probably start putting my clothes into trash bags so they can go into the back of the car… I'll look in the office."

"Alright."

She moved to the kitchen, pulling open the cupboards under the sink to pull out a roll of garbage bags before looking down to scoop up her car keys on the floor. "Catch," Lucy started and then tossed the two items towards him that he caught with ease. "Let me know when you're finished, okay?"

He nodded before he made his way upstairs, his feet moving quickly as Lucy watched his retreating figure. Though, she didn't let her mind wander before she kneeled back down to continue putting back the items inside her handbag. Natsu was right. They needed to get this done quickly otherwise they'd have a bigger problem on their hands.

The blonde had barely started to look through the piles of papers in the office until she heard a knock on the wall. Her eyes flickered up from the pile she had started to find Natsu standing there, holding a black bag that he had tied off whilst he leaned against the doorway. It ruffled as he twisted in place.

"Lucy." He sounded hesitant, unsure of his next words and he eyed her from where she sat on the floor surrounded by paper and files. "I need you to come look at this."

She gave him a puzzled look, but he only shook his head before waiting for her to stand and follow him. They passed another half full bag that Natsu had dropped to the side of the hallway and Lucy was confused as to what he wanted her to look at if he hadn't finished packing her clothes away. Her hands felt clammy, palms sweating as he held open the beaten door and Lucy walked into the bedroom.

"In the bathroom," Natsu added as he let her walk ahead.

As soon as she walked in the blonde could see that Jackal had turned their room on its head. The bedside table had been flipped over, the lamp was shattered on the floor with rumbled blankets tossed hazardously to the side. Her heart pounded in her chest, beating its pulse in her ears as she made her way further in. There was some type of mess on the floor, but she couldn't tell what it was, some of her clothes were ripped near the entrance way - chester draws toppled over in the corner of the room.

Lucy didn't know what she had expected, or why she felt surprised when she saw the majority of her clothes piled up in the bathtub, ruined. She pushed forward, coming to stand over it to see just what he had done, but Natsu's voice was quick to stop her in her tracks.

"I wouldn't touch it," He started, watching her as he had followed close behind. "Smells like it's covered in bleach. The stuff stinks." His nose twitched, lips turned down into a deep frown. "Sorry, Luce. But I don't think we can do much."

Her shoulders shook, eyes stuck staring at all her clothes that were covered in nasty orange spots. There were cuts in her jeans, tops pulled and stretched as they sat in a soggy heap in the bath. Maybe it was the smell of the chemicals finally reaching her, but her eyes stung, fresh tears lining the corners as she bit down on her lower lip to stop it from trembling.

It wasn't just her clothes. Her blurry vision finding cracked foundation bottles and liner pens with broken eyeshadow palettes in the mix. It had all been ruined. Everything of Lucy's he had trashed, either cut up or smashed to pieces. Not even her bras and underwear had been spared. Jackal had destroyed all of it. She wasn't even sure how Natsu had managed to salvage some clothing - the little of it that must've been left.

She felt Natsu's hesitant touch on her shoulder, his hand beginning to rub soothingly across her back as her hands tightened into fists. Though, it didn't help as she stared at so many of her possessions discarded and treated like shit.

"Luce?" He called her, his voice soft and quiet as she sniffled.

"It- It's f-fine," Lucy sobbed, tears finding themselves sliding down her cheeks but she quickly pulled up her sleeve to wipe them away. "It's just… I-It's on-only…" She swallowed, trying to take in deep breaths before she started again. "It's only c-clothes. No big… no big deal."

His brows drew together, expression pained as he watched as she tried to calm herself down. "Do you wanna take five minutes? I'm pretty much done in here. We could get a breather outside."

Yet, Lucy was already shaking her head.

"No. I have to get this done. Just… Could you take what's left into the car please?" She turned to face him, her hand finding his and holding it as she grounded herself, squeezing it tight as she looked at him through a teary gaze. He stared down at where they touched, frown deepening as he nodded.

"Sure thing." He pulled himself away from her, detaching himself from the contact. "I'll help ya out when I'm done."

She let out a shaky breath, not moving for a few moments as she tried to collect herself. Lucy tried to repeat her own words through her mind. _It's only clothes, it's only clothes, it's only clothes… It's only things, Lucy!_ Though she couldn't help as another sob bubbled up and pushed past her lips, failing to choke it down as a few more tears escaped her eyes.

Jackal was always steps ahead of her.

She pressed her hand into her face, trying to drown out her cries as she fell apart slowly. It just wasn't fair. He hurt her in every way, but there was always something more.

A bitter laugh left her instead. Of course there was always more.

She brought her hand down, sucking in a large breath of air before her shoulders dropped. Lucy just couldn't let it bother her, the blonde walking forward and not turning back. The hurt spun inside her chest, but she swallowed it down. The blonde wouldn't let it. Anger began to take shape in its place from the constant whirl as she stormed into the office, huffing as she ripped up pointless letters and grabbed files to order her papers.

Her eyes were still red and puffy from the night before, the new tears only making them sting, but she didn't care - whipping her runny nose on her sleeve as she continued to sort through everything around her. It didn't bother her and she wouldn't let it.

Lucy was too tired. Pushed past her breaking point as she blocked out everything around her and let the world fall silent. It wasn't until Natsu came to join her that she looked up, his bright smile nearly blinding her as he asked where she needed him.

She tried to work quietly, but he had other ideas. The stream of questions from him gathering one word responses until the blonde finally cracked a goofy grin when he decided it was time to play basketball with everything that had Jackals name printed on it. His eyes practically shone when she laughed, making the time pass a little bit brighter until they had nearly gathered everything Lucy needed.

"You sure you don't mind taking this down to the car?" She asked, her face twisted into concern as she eyed Natsu with an old plastic box in his hands that was full of paper and books. "I don't want you to hurt yourself."

He rolled his eyes, an easy smile spreading across his face as he shifted it into one hand, keeping it up by balancing it on his hip. "These muscles aren't just for show, ya know? Honest, Luce. I'm not sure if I should be ah-ffended by this."

"Off-ended, Natsu." Lucy emphasised the O, her brows raising as she shook her head. "I swear we've been over this."

"And it won't be the last time either," He hollered, giving her a thumbs up as he walked out of the room but not before winking at her with his cheshire grin beginning to crinkle the corners of his eyes. "I'll meet you downstairs!"

Lucy sighed, exasperated. "Unbelievable." Though, her own soft smile had made its way on her face as she looked around at the mess they had made in the office, but glad that they had managed to nearly shove the most important things in her car.

It had been hard for Lucy to let some things go. She had already felt that she had tried to bring more than what was necessary with her, a pang resonating in her chest when she thought about how she would be leaving it here until she could figure something out. Natsu hadn't been much help either, always picking up things that she had set down with a heavy heart and thought that she would have to part with.

He had stated it simply. "If it hurts to leave it then bring it with you." Yet, Lucy had replied with a deep frown. It was bad enough that she was intruding on him. She didn't need to clutter up his house with her junk, especially since he was a bit of a hoarder himself. Natsu's house had bits and pieces left hazardously around in every nook and cranny of his small home. Each one he could talk for hours about, a story attached that left her hanging off every word.

Though, hers… It wasn't nearly as dear. Her favourite books, a pen that was branded with her old University logo and an old envelope that was missing the card from her mother that was given to her on her 4th birthday. Lucy had put it down with a sad look and he had collected it straight after and packed it up. Even arguing with him was pointless as he shrugged his shoulders and kept mindlessly talking or asking her questions about if she needed something or not.

Her chest felt warm and tight, smile stretching further as she pulled albums off the shelf. Her hands kept weary of her wedding photos, doing her best to ignore the burning feelings that she distracted herself from, and instead pulled her own family pictures out. She had kept all the volumes, even her mum and dad's pictures of when they were younger that were given to her after their deaths. They had been tucked away and she piled them in her arms to put away in the car.

She knew she couldn't leave them. If what Natsu had told her was true, then she would never be able to split from all of the memories of her parents. It would be too painful for her. Not that they weren't safe here, her heart already soaring that Jackal hadn't had the thought to burn the last remaining thing of them she had left. Lucy knew she had to protect it, her smile widening as she eyed the cover of an old scrapbook that had a photo of their time in Acalypha.

Lucy was only young at the time, but it was one of few pictures of their family together - when her mother was still alive and her father hadn't been as busy with his company. She pulled it close, piling it into her arms before her fingers traced over their smiling faces.

She missed them.

Her lips thinned, desperately trying not to cry as she studied the photo. They were a lot happier back then. Foggy reminiscents of times in her childhood when her family was complete. She could only wish that she had them with her now, brown eyes blurring with tears as she thought about how badly they would think of her, but at least it was someone. Lucy would gladly listen to her father grumble at her then to do this alone any longer. How angry they would be at Jackal, her mother asking why she hadn't talked to them sooner… Having someone care about her again.

Lucy wiped at her eyes, taking in a long breath of air as she looked up. Her heart ached in her chest and she felt the lump begin to form in her throat as she tried to breathe deeply. Though, she quickly reached for the last album, not letting herself get lost in the pain as she turned around and squeezed her eyes tight.

There were only a few things left and then her and Natsu could leave. Her arms slumped as she felt the weight crush down on her, struggling to hold up the albums whilst she sniffled. She was exhausted, the stress of the day catching up to her with every step she took down the hallway as she dried a stray tear with a shrug of her shoulder across her cheek.

Yet, Lucy nearly lost her balance as she felt a shudder rock the house, a loud bang coming from downstairs as the front door slammed shut.

"Where the fuck is she?"

The yelling that reached her ears sent tingles down her spine, freezing her in place as her eyes blew wide - ears catching onto every word as she stood completely still in the hallway.

"Lucy!" Jackal screamed. "Lucy, come out here now you fucking bitch!"

Her stomach felt like it dropped to her feet, heart thundering against her chest and she struggled to breath - feeling a panic swarm in her chest as her legs started to shake. Lucy didn't want to believe it, but the heavy footsteps were echoing throughout the house making her hands sweat as the photo albums started to slip in her grasp.

_It couldn't._

The tears were back, blurring her vision as she continued to stand stock still. She couldn't move, her muscles tensing painfully as they locked in place. Lucy felt like her chest was going to explode and her lips quivered downwards as he continued to shout.

_This wasn't happening._

She looked down, mind racing. She had to hide them. Otherwise- She choked, a pained gasp leaving her as she hyperventilated. Otherwise he would take them away from her. As soon as he saw her he was going to rip it all up, the last piece of her parents. He was going to beat her. He was going to teach her a lesson.

_What was she doing?_

Her legs gave out as the door slammed again, more shouting following it as she clutched the photos closer to her chest and closed her eyes shut.

"Luce!"

Lucy jolted, looking up as another voice followed - an icy chill filling her chest as her mouth parted in realisation.

"Stay the fuck away from her!"

Natsu.

The chill swept through her body, pushing up as she felt her heart in her throat. She didn't realise she was running until she was bolting down the stairs. Her legs wobbled as she took them two at a time and she felt like she was going to fall as her injured ankle buckled, but her hand caught herself on the wall before she stumbled.

The adrenaline shot through her, the tears falling as desperately made her way to him.

She righted the album in her arms, feeling the weight pull her to the side. Though, it didn't stop her as she leapt to the bottom floor, panting as she came down hard on her feet. The pain was even worse, erupting from the sole of her heel as fire lit up the nerve endings and stretched to her shin. Lucy grit her teeth, grimacing before quickly searching the room.

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**:)**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed!**  
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**~Doginshoe**


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